Pages of The Damned

Thursday, June 5, 2003

President Bush Shatters Head, Corked Brain Exposed

PRESIDENT SHATTERS HEAD EARLY IN CABINET MEETING, SAYS CORKED BRAIN "A MISTAKE" - WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a startling revelation today, President George W. Bush was ejected from a cabinet meeting after it was discovered he was using a corked brain at the gathering. The incident occurred early in the... Sign in to see full entry.

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Wednesday, June 4, 2003

Satire Editor Leaps From Hoover Dam, Gets Ride from Wayne Newton

Satire Editor's Slow-Speed Chase Ends Strange Saga - LAS VEGAS, Nv. – The final chapter in GlossyNews editor Brian K. White’s lost weekend was completed Tuesday when the missing satirist returned to Las Vegas in a tense slow-speed car chase with area police. The editor was last seen arguing with his... Sign in to see full entry.

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Tuesday, June 3, 2003

Mistress Morgan Subdued at Hoover Dam; Sordid Saga, Part 3

Satire Editor's Strange Saga Takes Frightening Turn - Hoover Dam: At over 8 stories tall, easily the world's largest water-slide. LAS VEGAS, Nv. – The strange odyssey of GlossyNews editor Brian White took a sobering turn on Sunday when the troubled newlywed was reported missing by his vivacious... Sign in to see full entry.

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Monday, June 2, 2003

Mistress WHO?? Satire Editor's Sordid Vegas Saga, Part 2

Love Your Pain! Satire Editor's Sordid Tale, Part 2 - An afternoon of meeting new friends. Above: Brian says hello to Velvet Nights. LAS VEGAS, Nv. – GlossyNews editor Brian White’s sordid spiral into despair twisted even further over the past 24 hours as he continued a pattern of pandemonium in and... Sign in to see full entry.

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Sunday, June 1, 2003

SATIRE EDITOR'S SORDID VEGAS SAGA: Part 1

Satire Editor Sinks into Self Destruction: Part 1 Somewhere amongst the glitz, glamour and dinner-buffets, a satire editor cries out for help. LAS VEGAS, Nv. – In an unforeseen slide into despair and depression, Glossy News Editor-In-Chief Brian K. White has fled his Seattle home and sunk into a... Sign in to see full entry.

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Sunday, May 25, 2003

'JACKASS' STEVE-O ARRESTED, PROBE DEEPENS

' JACKASS' STAR JAILED IN SWEDEN - STOCKHOLM, Sweden – Stephen Glover, co-star of Jackass on MTV, was arrested Thursday after telling a local newspaper that prior to arriving in Sweden he had swallowed a condom filled with marijuana. Prosecutor Gunnar Fjaestad said the raid happened after Glover... Sign in to see full entry.

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Friday, May 23, 2003

MICHAEL JACKSON'S MEXICAN WEB

SPIDERMAN REVEALS IDENTITY, DEMANDS TACOS - SOLVANG, Ca. Gossip surrounding prominent superhero Spiderman’s true identity was dispelled last week when the web-slinger made an impromptu appearance at a California congressman’s field office. According to eyewitnesses, the masked wall-crawler entered... Sign in to see full entry.

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Monday, May 19, 2003

W. VA.GOVERNOR HAS UNRELATED SEX - Entire State Shocked

WEST VIRGINIA GOVERNOR ‘NOT FAITHFUL’ TO FAMILY - CHARLESTON, West Virginia Accused of having a love affair with a state employee, Gov. Bob Wise acknowledged last week that he “was not faithful” to his family, and asked for forgiveness. Wise, who has a wife and two children, issued a statement in... Sign in to see full entry.

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Sunday, May 18, 2003

TEXAS RENEGADE TEENS ESCAPE CAPITOL, CERTAIN FAILURE

TEXAS STUDENTS FLEE TO HOLIDAY INN - AUSTIN,Tx. May 16 More than 13,000 Austin middle and high school students, facing certain failure at upcoming final exams, formed a mass exodus into Oklahoma today, converging on the Holiday Inn in Ardmore, the haven of 51 Austin democrats who fled the Texas... Sign in to see full entry.

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Saturday, May 17, 2003

STONED JENNA BUSH SEES LIZARD

BUSH SCALPED, STONED WASHINGTON President Bush released his 2002 financial disclosure last week, reporting a net worth of at least $8.8 million, and revealing several “gifts for dependants” in part of the disclosure form. Included in those gifts are six tickets to Rolling Stones concerts, which were... Sign in to see full entry.

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