Monday, December 8, 2008
Look - We Both Can't Have Breakdowns At The Same Time
Somebody has to be sane for Christmas honey. My daughter came home for a few weeks from college and had a total meltdown. Boyfriend problems / what do I want to be when I grow up? / I hate working / my procrastinating depressed mother didn't paint my room yet / the girl I work with at the kiosk has...
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Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I Watched Cuba Gooding Jr.'s Ass For Two Painful Hours
Some shitty movie called Shadowboxer - that starred Cuba and Helen Mirren of all people as his stepmother/lover and they were hitmen. Helen was apparently married to his father - whom she killed for abusing Cuba and subsequently started a love affair with his son. Now first of all - why Helen would...
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Monday, December 1, 2008
What's The Difference Between A Doctor And A Weatherman?
NOTHING!! I guess I should just look out the window every morning / spin the symptom wheel inside the kitchen sink / grab a sling, collar, or crutch / and away we go!! I was so thrilled this morning when I met with my neurologist who told me that my MRA was normal but that they still wanted to do a...
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Friday, November 28, 2008
Can We Just Cancel Christmas??
I realized yesterday that I really don't like my extended family all that much. And how I longed just to be home with my children laughing and eating. How much longer do I need to hear about my brother-in-law's upcoming surgery / how much my mother hates my neice's poetry - "She spent 4 years in...
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Tuesday, November 25, 2008
The Anal Retentive Tree Trimmer
I can see it all so clearly - all of the ornaments jumbled up in one corner of the tree / the same colors side by side / the real nice antique ones hidden in the back where no one can admire them / tinsel swiftly just thrown onto the branches instead of gingerly hung - OH THE EXCRUTIATING ANGST OF...
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Sunday, November 23, 2008
Do We Have To Have The Carrot Stuffing Again Mom?
I dealt with the walnut years / the cranberry years / but I will not eat that damn carrot stuffing again!! Why can't you just order regular stuffing with onions and celery?? I am sure they sell it at the caterers. The highlight of Thanksgiving dinner at my mother's catered event downtown at her posh...
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Friday, November 21, 2008
I Have Fallen In Bed And Can't Get Out!
It is so cold and I am in so much pain that I have been in bed / and or on the couch for a week. I felt like a junkie the other day when my friend gave me a pain pill and all of the sudden I was energized and did laundry. Then quickly my high was dispersed and I was laying around again. Haven't been...
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Thursday, November 13, 2008
What's With All The Cleavage At The Hospital?
My son took me for my MRA yesterday and we were greeted by a bosomy young receptionist with a low-cut tight white jersey. Wait a minute - did you drive me to the gym by mistake sonny boy?? So I filled out my forms and we sat down in the corner of Radiology near a group of grieving family members...
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Don't Watch "Mystery Diagnosis" If You Have One Pending...
Self-torture seems to be on the menu for me these days while awaiting my upcoming MRA test tomorrow. Watching Sweeney Todd slashing all those throats the other night with blood just gushing out like gasoline didn't help either - but when I hear "simple procedure" - I know its me who is going to die....
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Monday, November 10, 2008
Somebody Call A Plumber and Unclog My Neck
The pain is hurrendous right now and I am counting the minutes until my MRA on Wednesday. Now the spasms have shifted from mainly the right to the left and I am literally afraid my head is going to blow off. My eyes feel like they are being sucked backed into my head with every pulsing motion of my...
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