Tuesday, January 13, 2004
True or false: a clean desk is the sign of a well-ordered mind.
Ok, I will take this seed from editormum and run with it. Well, I don’t think I can pervert this to go in sex and romance. Although some movies show people swiping an arm across their desk to clear it for nastiness, the subject was not a clean desk is the sign of a dirty mind. That leaves the humor blog, which is in need of a new post. First, the question was true or false. I definitely think so. It is either true or false, neither true or false and possibly both true and false. Can you tell I’m...
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Saturday, January 10, 2004
Oh, I almost forgot!
I had a point I wanted to make in my last piece, Short Attention Spam, but I forgot what it was. Then I remembered at work and wrote it down on a piece of scratch paper. Later, when my foot began to itch, I put the scratch paper in my shoe, so now my idea stinks. The reason I called that particular rambling Short Attention Spam was the obvious comparison to my e-mail in-box and the glut of things I have to sort through so I know which ones to ignore. Now, you see, we are teaching ourselves to...
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Wednesday, January 7, 2004
Short attention spam.
Attention deficit disorder is all the rage. It seems we can’t pay attention long enough to pay attention. We are continuously bombarded by stimuli that compete for our attention. Endless TV and radio ads for everything from adult diapers to politicians, and really there is no difference, in the end they both wind up full of crap. Driving in our cars we face a multitude of street signs, traffic signs, reader boards, freeway information not to mention bumper stickers. The instrument cluster of the...
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Monday, January 5, 2004
Blog clog, 2nd night of minus 20 F.
All day at work things pop into my head. Not just run of the mill things, but really fiendishly clever things. Of course there is no time to stop and write them down. I try to remember them till lunch so I can scribble a note, but to no avail. Then I get home, and see that the old humor blog needs to be refreshed, but zippo. No flame of inspiration. Somewhere around the edges of perception, the horrible puns I envisioned earlier in the day tease me. That is the problem, when I am supposed to be...
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Friday, January 2, 2004
Just thinking.
If the Smurfs made a porno, that would be a blue movie, wouldn’t it? Toss in Snow White and the seven dwarves and you’ve got something. I live in a remote area, and while it’s not the end of the world, we do have front row seats. The local sport seems to be competitive drinking and mailbox bashing. The talk around the coffee cups in the local café usually goes something like this, “Whu’d the Govmint do tuday?” “Everthin.’” “Whut’s the Govmint guna dew ‘bout that there Mad Cow thang?” “Nuthin’”...
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Inspired by Dewdrop
Sometimes things just pop into one's head, things that maybe are better left unsaid. I will apologize before you read this, just possible it is too silly, but when I read Dewdrops lament, this took over my brain. So, going against many years of ingrained shyness, here goes..... My nipples itch My nipples itch Holy crap It’s a real bitch I don’t want to make a fuss But it really bothers me on the bus What makes them itch even worse Is watching a mother nurse. The baby smiles, gurgles and coos My...
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Tuesday, December 30, 2003
Cramming for a drug test.
Do they still have drug tests? All the unemployment I have been experiencing has me thinking about the possibility of finding a new job and I cringe at the thought that I may have to take the feared drug test. I hope not, cause the last one nearly killed me. Let me explain. Some say we’re slow up here in these parts, but most people still drive pretty fast. I heard we were going to have to take a random drug test at my last job, and I took it pretty serious. Three weeks ahead of time, I started...
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Monday, December 29, 2003
Brave predictions from Not-so-dumb-ass.
This week, more people will die in Iraq. Far more people will die on our nations highways. With the failure of the England’s Beagle probe, Mars becomes the Boston Red Sox of space exploration. More money will be spent on entertainment in the U. S. this week than all medical research programs put together over the course of the entire year. The Mad Cow disaster will take a surprising turn when it is revealed that the diseased cow come from an off-course Mars probe that landed at Michael Jackson’s...
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Saturday, December 27, 2003
The CIA and Tiger Poop
According to an AP article the CIA developed a listening device that resembled Tiger Poop to be used in the jungles of Viet Nam. Now that must have been an interesting Research and Development project. “No, no, no, how many times to I have to tell you Tiger, not Lion! Here, look closely, see the difference?” This device can be seen in the CIAs Gadget Museum but only if you’re CIA. One might also catch a glimpse of the ever popular microphone disguised as a Martini Olive, next to the Crossbow...
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Nostrodamus
The History Channel has a special on Nossy, 500 years later. Of note, one learns that he had his “visions” late at night looking into a bowl of water. Also he was a leading expert at the time in Herbal healing. Ok, now it doesn’t take a lot of thought to imagine where the visions may have really come from. It’s a wonder the police didn’t become suspicious of all the late-night pizza deliveries. They also don’t mention the lost qautraine. A network of energy will replace mail of paper Information...
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