Monday, February 23, 2004
The Wi…er..Nextel Cup.
The Viagra car goes hard into the wall. Ok, so sponsors come and go, but the new crop threatens to stretch the announcers ability to call a race and keep from sounding like…well…like this… Today, Mr. Whipple will say those famous words, “Gentlemen…Start your engines.” Mr Whipple has been given this honor to welcome the Charmin Car to today’s lineup, here at the Tidybowl 500. “Hi, I’m Kon Ecrisimaki, famous race announcer and I have some important news. The Nextel Cup series will be sponsored...
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Sunday, February 22, 2004
Soap Operas
How many times are Josh and Reva going to play the yo-yo game? My wife tapes ATWT and GL to watch in the evenings as she unwinds from a day of accountant type number crunching. I attempt to amuse her by adding my own lines. When Reva asked, “Josh, I’m worried about Mara, do you know what is going on?”, my answer for Josh was, “hell Reva, you’r the psychic, you tell me!” And so it goes. I know I am doing a good job when she has to rewind the tape to hear the real lines, lame as they are. Talk...
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Saturday, February 21, 2004
Where is the sanity?
Turn almost anything into oil? The May 2003 Discover magazine has an article on a thermal depolymerization process “Anything into oil”. The process is being used to turn turkey offal (guts) into oil suitable for use as fuel. The technology is proven, so why haven’t we heard more about it? We have heard about hydrogen, but the problems are many and the time line is long. Thermal depolymerization is here now, so why are is our government ignorant of this promising technology? I urge you to go to...
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Friday, February 20, 2004
Them old drive thru bluez.
There I was, Cheeseburger jones bigger than life one spot away from the magic speaker with the digital readout guaranteed to get my order right. Apparently the little league team in the Suburban ahead was having some trouble getting their order right, judging by the time it was taking. That always happens when one is in a hurry. All I have to do is deposit my check, the slip is filled in, check signed, I am ready to rock and roll, but the person ahead of me seems to be doing all their banking in...
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Tuesday, February 17, 2004
Pruning, Shear delight.
The trees stand proud, silhouettes against the drab sky. The limbs lay on the ground a tangled mess. Unfortunately there is no power tool made to haul the limbs to wherever you take them for disposal. Oh sure, these is the ever popular power chipper, but my credit line at the power tool store is, shall we say, somewhat stretched. Well, rather than carry the limbs to the back of my GMC pickup, I will back the pickup onto the lawn, making collecting the branches much quicker. My pickup is the...
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Saturday, February 14, 2004
The power of tools.
Beer, breakfast of champions. That’s what my brother’s Tee shirt says, and the four I just had sure tasted good. I was now ready to tackle the wayward branches in my yard, but first I donned the proper attire, leather apron, long sleeved shirt, steel toe boots, respirator mask, hard hat with visor and ear muffs. As I pulled on my long gauntlet leather gloves my feeling of manliness was almost intoxicating. Soon I stood at the base of the offending tree and prepared to pull the starter rope, when...
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Threatening life and limb.
I pulled up in front of the power tool store, they seemed glad to see me, and even called me by name. I explained the dilemma of pruning tall trees, and they said they had just what I needed. Somehow I knew they would. After all, they sold me my chain saw, leaf blower, snow blower, hedge trimmer, post hole digger, wood splitter and automatic tire chain installer. Soon, I was waving goodbye as I eased into traffic with my newest toy securely strapped down in the back of my pickup. I could tell by...
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Friday, February 13, 2004
The snow beats a slow retreat.
The grassy spots under the trees grows bigger every day, and so I found myself headed out to those trees, pruning shears in hand. I vowed all last summer to trim those limbs that continually knocked my hat off when I was mowing the lawn. Actually, that’s not true, it’s been the last three summers. So, finally riled to the point of no recliner, I was set to do battle with those hat knockers. The first thing I discovered was the shears are relentlessly dull. One handle is bent, most likely due to...
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Wednesday, February 11, 2004
My fan club.
I joined a fan club once, it was pretty exciting. Every week we would meet at one of the members house and everyone would bring their fans. We had all kinds, box fans, oscillators, industrial squirrel cage and even battery operated personal cooling fans. The only thing is, our hair would always get messed up. This problem was solved when I joined a hair club for men! I got all worked up about learning to weave, I wanted to make a Persian rug, but instead they just tied a bunch of hair to my...
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Thursday, February 5, 2004
WMD inspection snafu.
We need more time, more inspectors. No, that is not the U. N. it is the U. S. in a policy flip-flop that stands out like a sore thumb to anyone that remembers recent history. The U. S. better be careful. The U. N. may grow impatient and decide to take action where none is perceived to have taken place. Fellow citizens, be prepared. I am currently outfitting my own “Spider Hole”, complete with giga-screen TV and a freezer full of pizza. Janet Jackson has contacted me about being my room-mate, so...
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