Sunday, April 4, 2004
Kay-Ren, here it is.
What is the typical Blogit writer? What is the atypical Blogit writer? Since Kay-Ren asked and provided a peek at her setting in her blog Irrelevant Observations in the opinion category, here is my milieu. Our PC is located in the room we have for an office, which was originally the fourth bedroom. Since it has no windows, we didn’t want to use it for a bedroom, no escape route. The walls are a very light pastel Lilac. Cat knick-knacks are everywhere. A bookcase my dad made is to my left. The...
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Friday, April 2, 2004
Challenged Superheroes.
Recognizing that not all super heroes necessarily need to be “Super” this well thought out (well, at least thought out?) piece proposes to right the wrongs wrested on the rest of us by those perfect few, the Super Friends. Here at last are more Superheroes from everyday life. Perhaps the most heart wrenching hero is Short Attention Span Man. He can be identified by the logo on his cape the boldly proclaims Short Atten…….What? This would be righter of wrongs has the best of intentions and the...
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Politically correct Superheroes.
Tired of all the leaping of tall buildings with a single bound? Seen the faster than a speeding bullet routine one too many times? Do you yawn when a man in a cape and tights stops a powerful locomotive dead in its tracks? How are we to have any shred of self esteem when we live in a world full of superheroes that project an image we can never hope to attain? Never fear, the government has seen fit to right the wrongs with a new collection of heroes for “every-person”. So don’t be surprised,...
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004
‘Till we meet again.
The soft succulent soil awaits its spring tilling. Australiopithecus used dibble sticks to prepare the ground for seeds. The Plistocene is long past and modern man has roto-tillers. Now is the time of year to prepare your garden spot for weeds. I know that is not the intention, be we are skipping to the net effect here. Somewhere in the corner of the garage is my roto-tiller. Somewhere in another corner is the engine for the tiller. Buried in a neat pile of belts is the one for this fine dirt...
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Monday, March 29, 2004
New technology.
Voice recognition software, what a boon to bloggers. We could post as fast as we could talk, which is usually much faster than we can think. Hmmm…. thought recognition software, the height of laziness. Just put these headphones on, attach this sensor to your forehead and, voila, all you have to do is think and it appears on your screen. But what would that really be like? Join me now as I perform a short experiment to see what thought recognition would be like……. Damn, I like to use the periods...
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Wednesday, March 24, 2004
Funny business in the White House.
President Martin Lawrence. Picture it now if you will, President Lawrence addresses the U. N. and opens the speech, “What the problem is?” If that seems far-fetched, let me introduce you to vice president Robin Williams. You think congress is confused now, just wait until they get a load of secretary of Homeland Security, Richard Lewis. Paranoia will be raised to an art form but the steady hand of Dennis Miller will guide the department of defense and obscure references. Foreign relations? No...
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Sunday, March 21, 2004
You’re driving me batty!
Imagine you are Ozzie Osburn. Here are just a few things you might hear in the course of your day. “Hey, just because you’re in a bad mood, that’s no reason to bite my head off!” “What?” “Viagra? I thought you were ‘Iron Man’.” “What did you say?” “So, how are Harriet and the boys?” “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.” “Are you on dope or something?” “Please, once more, slowly and focus on enunciation.” “Well – that’s fairly rude!”
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Friday, March 19, 2004
The National Inquisitor.
Glaring from your checkout line with garish pictures of Hiltler, Saddam and Osama dressed in ballet tu-tus, good for a laugh and not much else, behold the tabloids. As I read about mysterious planets orbiting just behind the moon, conjoined twins and weight loss through eating bacon, I wonder where on the tabloid employment application form one has to state which mental institution one has escaped from. So now, employing the same fact finding techniques as the tabloids, lets take a behind the...
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Tuesday, March 16, 2004
A brand new word.
When a public figure gets canned from a job where they just sit around making inane comments and getting paid probably really good dough, here’s your new word, He got Stern-O’d. Someone who probably should know better, got so involved in being naughty that they forgot the rest of us out there. So let’s use this really cool new word that denotes when some dumb-ass get fired and they rightly deserve it. It’s cool, a hyphenated apostrophe word. He came out on stage and dropped a load, he got...
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Monday, March 15, 2004
That Question?
You know the one, it’s always asked by some reporter that can’t think of anything else to ask. “Mr. Crime Victim, you’ve just come home and discovered your entire family slain brutally. Tell me, how does that make you feel?” Tell me, what do they think the answer will be that we can’t guess already? “WhooHoo, now I can cash in them insurance policies!” or perhaps “Am I on camera? Can I say hi to my Mom? Oh, I forgot, well then hi to my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Smartypants.” If it were me, I...
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