Warped thoughts

By food4thought - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, January 19, 2004

All those channels, and what do we watch?

It’s a nightly ritual. I am in the office blogging and in the other room I hear the TV as my wife goes through the channels searching for something to watch. She is the mad clicker for sure. We have Direct TV, which has a neat on screen guide, but for some reason she prefers the old-fashioned one channel at a time method. I don’t know how many channels there are but suffice it to say there are a bunch. So, of all the new zoomy hi-tech modern hip socially aware programming, where does she finally... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Life in a small town.

Twice today, we drove the five miles to town to see the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King. Twice the theater sold out before we got to the turnstile. This is unheard of here in Colville (hint: rhymes with Smallville). The movie has been playing since Thursday, and a lot of people went to Spokane to see it. Possibly it was due to it being the matinee showings and seats were only $4. Yeah, I know if you went to a Cineplex you paid more than that for a small Coke, but at least you got in. We... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, January 17, 2004

Have you ever felt “off”?

It’s the end of the week. I’m not really that happy about it. Must be the dreary weather combined with the removal of Christmas decorations. Post holiday droop, maybe. I should be able to get worked up about something, but who cares if we go to the moon again? The Democratic whirlwind getting ready to dispatch Bush & Co? Yawn. Al Sharpton is the liveliest among them, and he doesn’t have a chance. Too bad, the system could use a shake up. The Mars rover, well we finally made it, now what are we... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

True or false: a clean desk is the sign of a well-ordered mind.

Ok, I will take this seed from editormum and run with it. Well, I don’t think I can pervert this to go in sex and romance. Although some movies show people swiping an arm across their desk to clear it for nastiness, the subject was not a clean desk is the sign of a dirty mind. That leaves the humor blog, which is in need of a new post. First, the question was true or false. I definitely think so. It is either true or false, neither true or false and possibly both true and false. Can you tell I’m... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Oh, I almost forgot!

I had a point I wanted to make in my last piece, Short Attention Spam, but I forgot what it was. Then I remembered at work and wrote it down on a piece of scratch paper. Later, when my foot began to itch, I put the scratch paper in my shoe, so now my idea stinks. The reason I called that particular rambling Short Attention Spam was the obvious comparison to my e-mail in-box and the glut of things I have to sort through so I know which ones to ignore. Now, you see, we are teaching ourselves to... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, January 7, 2004

Short attention spam.

Attention deficit disorder is all the rage. It seems we can’t pay attention long enough to pay attention. We are continuously bombarded by stimuli that compete for our attention. Endless TV and radio ads for everything from adult diapers to politicians, and really there is no difference, in the end they both wind up full of crap. Driving in our cars we face a multitude of street signs, traffic signs, reader boards, freeway information not to mention bumper stickers. The instrument cluster of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, January 5, 2004

Blog clog, 2nd night of minus 20 F.

All day at work things pop into my head. Not just run of the mill things, but really fiendishly clever things. Of course there is no time to stop and write them down. I try to remember them till lunch so I can scribble a note, but to no avail. Then I get home, and see that the old humor blog needs to be refreshed, but zippo. No flame of inspiration. Somewhere around the edges of perception, the horrible puns I envisioned earlier in the day tease me. That is the problem, when I am supposed to be... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, January 2, 2004

Just thinking.

If the Smurfs made a porno, that would be a blue movie, wouldn’t it? Toss in Snow White and the seven dwarves and you’ve got something. I live in a remote area, and while it’s not the end of the world, we do have front row seats. The local sport seems to be competitive drinking and mailbox bashing. The talk around the coffee cups in the local café usually goes something like this, “Whu’d the Govmint do tuday?” “Everthin.’” “Whut’s the Govmint guna dew ‘bout that there Mad Cow thang?” “Nuthin’”... Sign in to see full entry.

Inspired by Dewdrop

Sometimes things just pop into one's head, things that maybe are better left unsaid. I will apologize before you read this, just possible it is too silly, but when I read Dewdrops lament, this took over my brain. So, going against many years of ingrained shyness, here goes..... My nipples itch My nipples itch Holy crap It’s a real bitch I don’t want to make a fuss But it really bothers me on the bus What makes them itch even worse Is watching a mother nurse. The baby smiles, gurgles and coos My... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

Cramming for a drug test.

Do they still have drug tests? All the unemployment I have been experiencing has me thinking about the possibility of finding a new job and I cringe at the thought that I may have to take the feared drug test. I hope not, cause the last one nearly killed me. Let me explain. Some say we’re slow up here in these parts, but most people still drive pretty fast. I heard we were going to have to take a random drug test at my last job, and I took it pretty serious. Three weeks ahead of time, I started... Sign in to see full entry.

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About this Blog

Funny? Strange? Weird? It's all here. Generally the writing syle will be warp 11. Going boldly where no thoughts have (or maybe should) ever been before. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll scratch you head and wonder why? It's all in fun and maybe an occasional pun. All original, I only tell jokes at parties.

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