Monday, August 24, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Though you've been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn't kill you, the coroner's report will contain evidence to the contrary. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You're in for an unpleasant surprise when you break society's unwritten rule against murder. Gemini May 21 - Jun 21...
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Monday, August 17, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Stop telling everybody you live in a gated community. No matter how you try to dress it up, it's still jail. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You thought becoming a shark hunter would change your life, but it's still pretty much the same, except when you're hunting all those sharks....
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Friday, August 14, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You find yourself shunned by friends when you join a tiny group that believes in such strange, unseen forces as "gravity" and "electromagnetism." Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Your belief in the impossibility of having a level-headed discussion on the state of American race relations...
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Thursday, August 13, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your next-door neighbor continues to pull her blinds down every night. Perhaps she's trying to hide something. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You finally think of that perfect comeback several days too late, but it wouldn't have affected the judge's decision in the least. Gemini May 21...
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Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The stars say your fear of suitcase-sized nuclear weapons is irrational. You should actually be worried about conventional bombs the size of a tank truck. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You will be shunned by your fellow pornography lovers because of your sick obsession with "facial...
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Looking back, you can't figure out how a win/win situation turned into a win/be savaged by wild boars situation. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Though you think of yourself as having an excellent sense of humor, you really don't see anything funny about fat people, priests walking into...
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Monday, August 10, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Though you will soon find yourself sharing an exciting cross-country road trip with Paris Hilton and a lop-eared basset hound, it's not what you think. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You will achieve a certain kind of notoriety when you get rich selling the world's most tasteless...
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Friday, August 7, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The ancient Japanese art of bonsai involves the pruning and binding of dwarf pines. It has nothing to do with what you do to those poor midgets. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Before you argue with your mate, ask yourself if you're angry because of something they did or something you...
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Thursday, August 6, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You get the feeling God is trying to tell you something when you find little reminder notes all over your house written in all caps and signed "God." Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Try to turn your broken heart into an opportunity. Many states allow emotionally distressed people to...
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Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You will soon learn that it takes more to make a man a doctor than a sharp set of steak knives and a degree from a truck-driving school. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 No one can communicate effectively without the right tools, so make sure you have a good set of bench, shoulder and...
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