Thursday, September 10, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Narrow-mindedness and jealousy on the part of your coworkers will lead them to denounce your neckties. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 All of your hard work and planning will come to nothing if you don't remember to wipe your prints off the tire iron. Gemini May 21 - Jun 21 Even the...
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Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your death will not be in vain, as it will give the hero a chance to say, "Now, that's what I call using your head." Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Though many people say that you are an all-around decent guy, that's only what they say to your face. Gemini May 21 - Jun 21 You are about...
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Friday, September 4, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 The opening of your soul's mystic Third Eye will be accompanied by the sprouting of your head's fourth through eleventh eyes. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 The power of mythology extends to your private life when you find yourself facing the ancient mother-maiden-crone archetype...
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Thursday, September 3, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You will lose all credibility when it is revealed that, contrary to your claims, your life is not based on a true story. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Though you don't remember your past, you're not doomed to repeat it. This is because you don't matter much in the grand scheme of...
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Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your simple, pious life as a devout Lutheran is marred only by the giant talking Saint Bernard who seems to follow you everywhere. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Everyone doubted you when you said you were going to bike across the country last summer. Make them feel bad by telling them...
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Monday, August 31, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Though you insist you can stop drinking whenever you want, the truth is, you can't seem to function without five or six pints of water a day. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 This is a good week for you to start new projects especially those that involve taking a few dozen inches off...
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Friday, August 28, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You will bring shame to your town coroner by causing him to laugh uncontrollably throughout your autopsy. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You are beginning to frighten your family with your insistence that you are Chuck Negron, lead singer of Three Dog Night. That part of your life is...
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Thursday, August 27, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 You are loyal, friendly, and an excellent companion. This is not because you are an Aries, but because you are a purebred Sealyham Terrier. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 Try to take the long view: No matter how bad things are right now, you'll be dead in a hundred years. Gemini May 21...
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Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your birthday will result in yet another disappointing and under-attended party. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 The combination of Mars and Venus in your sun sign indicates that love is in your future whether you can afford it or not. Gemini May 21 - Jun 21 Beware of being influenced...
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Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Your love is a burning love, one whose tremendous depth and strength is not to be denied. Too bad it's a love of pancakes. Taurus Apr 20 - May 20 You will make an exciting and final journey about halfway over water this week. Gemini May 21 - Jun 21 You will make chess history...
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