Monday, July 11, 2005
Letting Go...For Now!
The next little while was like a rollercoaster. Zarrah was moving along VERY slowly. She was pretty much coasting for the next few weeks, healing inside. Most days I would have liked to order a few more plates of 'patience', but I was able to get by with what I had. One minute I was on top of the...
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Sunday, July 10, 2005
HOLDING ZARRAH FOR THE FIRST TIME...
Well it's Day 3 after Zarrah's birth and I awoke to the 'crazy praying' lady snoring REALLY loudly next to me. This brought another bunch of nurses in to see what was going on. Thanks goodness I broke down and got a tv with headphones by my bed. I just pop them on and turn it to any station and I'm...
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Saturday, July 9, 2005
Zarrah Woke Up!
I was exhausted from the jaunt over to the NICU via 'Cathy's Self Taxi Service'. They checked my parent id card and buzzed me in. Thankfully there was a rocking chair right beside Zarrah's incubator. Zarrah's new nurse came over and introduced herself to me, she seemed very friendly. Sam updated me...
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Friday, July 8, 2005
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!
I awoke just a little while later when I heard my brother and his girlfriend enter the room. I think that once you've had children you grow a second ear, and 'sense' when you need to wake up. I knew I looked like hell from the expession on my brothers face, it was priceless. He used to seeing me...
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Thursday, July 7, 2005
LOVE Does Hurt....
After saying 'bye' to Zarrah, I walked my kids out to the elevator. I know I should have been in my wheelchair, but there would be plenty of time for that later. Besides...I didn't want my kids to think I was in any pain. That was the only thing I really tried to hide from them, b/c I knew they were...
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Wednesday, July 6, 2005
Tough Little Zarrah...
Well I forced myself to go over to Zarrah, to sit with her, to hold her hand. It was up to her now and I knew she was tough, she would make it through. Still, it was really hard watching her. Why?, why?, why?, was all that was running through my mind. It frustrated me not to have an answer. After a...
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Tuesday, July 5, 2005
My Newborns First Surgery..
The transport back to my awaiting nurses was pretty hazy. I was tired and upset, still trying to memorize the route too. I'm sure there are 4 or 5 different paths through the tunnel. Dam the transport people for taking a different route each time! The nurses made sure I knew about missing 2 checks,...
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Monday, July 4, 2005
The First Big Step To Recovery...
Looking back through my journal I see how determined I was. When it comes to my children, nothing stands in my way. I see now that each step I took was a small step in the recovery process, for all of us. Yes I was scared, terrified actually, but with each small step I knew I was going in the right...
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Sunday, July 3, 2005
It Feels Like My Newborn Was Taken Away....
The hardest part for me at this point was not any discomort from the c-section, it was not being able to have my baby beside me. With all my other births, I delivered normally, and had them by my side from then on. I felt like I failed and she was taken away. I know she was nearby in the Nicu at...
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Saturday, July 2, 2005
ZARRAH FINALLY ARRIVES!
We made it to our hotel pretty late. I sent my partner out to get me some bagels and fruit before my 'food curfew'. Because my c-section was set for 11am the next day, I wasn't allowed to eat anything after 10pm the night before. I was so nervous I didn't really feel like eating, but I forced myself...
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