Sunday, November 21, 2004
When Size Matters
A guy goes to the doctor about his unusually small penis. "Doctor," the man says. "I've never felt comfortable dating because I've always been afraid that women would make fun of my small penis. I'm nearly forty and very lonely. I'd like to be able to date without fear. Can you help me." The doctor...
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Thursday, November 18, 2004
I know It's Not Funny!
Once upon a time there was a boy named Johnny who was born with no body. Just a sad little head of a sad little boy. Every morning Johnny's mom would take him from his bed and prop him by the front window so he could watch the children outside run and jump and catch and throw. Oh, how Johnny longed...
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Did I Ever Tell You That I Was Once Arrested For Murder?
I was 17 and playing lead guitar in my older brother Al’s band. Al was 21 or 22 at the time, and had already moved out of our parent’s house into an apartment with his girlfriend. Our band had a steady gig at a place called The Bent Elbow Tavern. The Bent Elbow was a biker bar with an atmosphere of...
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Thursday, November 11, 2004
Not More Golf Humor!
Jesus and Moses are out playing eighteen holes one day when they come to a long par three that is mostly carry over water. "Hey! I know this hole," Jesus says to Moses excitedly. "I saw the pros play it in a tournament that I watched a few weeks ago. Tiger Woods took out his five iron and hit a...
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Wednesday, November 10, 2004
I Know They're Corny!
A woman decides that she'd like to learn to play golf so that she can play with her husband, but her husband doesn't want to teach her himself so he sets her up with lessons from their local club pro. She goes to her first lesson and the pro takes her out to the practice tee. "Now try and relax,"...
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Tuesday, November 9, 2004
There Is A 15 Year Old In My Bed!
Ooh you have a dirty mind! I know what you were thinking. And No, I'm not some twisted deviate. My daughter Amy found a mouse in her bedroom at four in the morning yesterday. How do I know this? Because I felt the guns of Navarone going off on my leg (Maisy) when Amy came running to get in bed with...
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Tuesday, November 2, 2004
Hoping For A Smile
A man walks into a pub with an octopus which he places on the bar. "Hey tender. Can I get a beer over here, and bring a glass of water for my pal," he says. The bartender takes a few steps toward him and pulls up short, "Whoa man, you can't bring that thing in here!" "That thing, as you so...
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Monday, November 1, 2004
Your Smile For Today
This morning one of our newer dog handlers called our Sargeant and said that he had to go home because he wasn't feeling well. Sarge concerned, asked him what was wrong. The kid said that he would rather not say. Wrong answer! Now sarge had to know so he asked again. Once again the kid said, "I'm...
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Friday, October 29, 2004
Perhaps The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Done!
Call me Weird Canine Sonofbitch! Say that I have way too much time on my hands. But here is a song parody for all of you. The tune is Spirits In The Night by Springsteen. The only reason I picked him is because I've known him for awhile so I don't think that he will sue me. Although if he sees the...
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Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Don't Get Caught Holding The Bill
I tell people every day that if criminals weren't so stupid we would never catch any of them. It is true, I swear. Case in point and every word of this story is true: When I was a rookie, many more years ago than I care to remember, I was aggressively patrolling my sector, (actually I was probably...
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