The Joke Is On Big V

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Yeah, I Hate That Too!

Ya know what I hate? I hate it when I think I'm buying organic vegatables and then I get home and find out that they are just ordinary donuts! Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 25, 2015

I'm Very Strong!

Today I was offered a date with a Victoria's Secret model. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on my Facebook page. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards and very strong willpower. I am just as strong as Ajax, the incredibly... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Maybe It's Me?

Maybe I'm paranoid but I've noticed that cashiers are always checking me out. Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

A Difficult Job Made Easy

How To Wash A Cat 1) Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8th cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2) Pick the cat up and soothe him while you carry him toward the bathroom. 3) In one quick, smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid.... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

What's In A Name?

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt was shot dead by police in downtown Los Angeles today. He was wanted for multiple counts of identity theft. Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Ahhhh, What's Up Doc?

My doctor told me I was fat. I said, "Gee Doc, that's kind of mean!" He told me, "I am afraid that if I sugarcoated it, you'd eat that too!" Sign in to see full entry.

Another Oldie!

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years. A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends at the Hyatt Hotel and had a few too many beers and some red wine. Knowing full... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Another Oldie But Moldie!

A man had front row seats to the final game of the World Series, right behind home plate. A man walks down the stands and asks if the seat next to him is taken. The man replies sadly, “No. This seat actually belonged to my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Series she’s missed since... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Agreeing Is Nice!

My wife and I argue only occasionally but when we do, we always end up agreeing on one point. We both wish I was dead. Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Pull Me Closer, John Deere!

I was born in a small town. So small that when you got a DUI you drove a tractor. The biggest business in town was the John Deere dealership. Sign in to see full entry.

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