The Joke Is On Big V

Monday, September 7, 2015

Agreeing Is Nice!

My wife and I argue only occasionally but when we do, we always end up agreeing on one point. We both wish I was dead. Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

Pull Me Closer, John Deere!

I was born in a small town. So small that when you got a DUI you drove a tractor. The biggest business in town was the John Deere dealership. Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Just Putting Through

I don't think I play a lot of golf but my wife asked to be buried on the green of the 9th hole so she knew I'd come see her at least four or five times a week. Sign in to see full entry.

Oh The Humanity!

Two ropes walk into a bar and ask the bartender for a beer. He tells them to get lost because he doesn’t serve ropes in his bar. The two ropes leave and try to figure out what to do since this is the only bar in town. One has a great idea, and they begin to bind themselves up and frizzle their ends.... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Reminds Me of Someone Famous!

Definition of a pathological liar: a liar that lies about their lies when caught in a lie. Sign in to see full entry.

Just Me and Andy

Joe died and he went to heaven where he found himself standing outside the gates and talking to St. Peter about his entrance into the gates of heaven. St. Peter said, “Joe, if you can answer one question for me, I will let you into heaven.” Joe responded that he is happy to answer one question for... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Generous To A Fault?

One day a wealthy lawyer was driving down the road in his BMW when he spotted two men eating grass on the side of the road. He pulled over and asked the two men what they were doing. They explained to him that they were down on their luck, had no jobs, no money and no food so they were eating grass.... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 31, 2015

A Steeper Gear Might Help

A police officer pulled over a car that was going 87 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. He was surprised to see a little old lady barely tall enough to see over the wheel. He said to her, “Ma’am! Do you know how fast you were driving?” She calmly replied, “I almost had her up to 90, sir.” The officer asked her... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Flights Are Now Departing...

A blonde gets on a plane bound for Chicago and leaves her seat in economy to sit in first class. When the flight attendant tells her she has to go back to economy because she didn’t pay for a first class ticket, the blonde says, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful and I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

That's How It Goes!

A man and his son go fishing one morning. It was quiet for a few hours until the son looked at his father and said, “Dad? How do fish breathe under water?” “I don’t know, son,” replied the father. “Dad? How does our boat float on water?” “I don’t know, son.” “Dad, why is the sky blue?” “I have no... Sign in to see full entry.

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