The Joke Is On Big V

Monday, December 26, 2016

Just To Be A Jerk

* I have decided to not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia. Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Just Being Helpful

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says to the man driving, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Anticipation! (Tip of the Hat to Carly Simon)

I know she’s single. She lives right across the street. I can see her place from my kitchen window. I watched as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door. I opened the door, she looked me straight in the eyes and... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Good Legs Are Required!

* I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I looked up at her and said, “Good legs.” She girl giggled and said, “Do you really think so? I said, “Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now.” Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Slightly 'Off Color'

* I got caught urinating in the community swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in. Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

I Would Have Needed A Cup of Coffee As Well

I choked on a carrot this morning and I couldn't help but think, "I bet a donut wouldn't have done this to me." Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Going To Grandma's

My then 3-year-old son was as excited as he could be to visit his 'other' grandma in Florida, especially since it meant taking his first trip on an airplane. We hadd just boarded and got buckled in when he looked around the plane and started to cry. "What is it?" I asked, wondering if he was scared... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, December 5, 2016

No Dye Bomb Please!

After spending just a week in NYC, I can tell you that any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, someone has just robbed a bank. Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

I've Got Some Change!

* The light at the end of the tunnel has been shut off due to budget constraints. Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, December 3, 2016

Take A Bag!

* They tell me that most children will threaten to run away from home. I am well aware of that fact, and many times, it was the only thing that kept me going. Sign in to see full entry.

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