Tuesday, September 28, 2004
10 Stupid Questions
Can I ask you a question? We covered this one the other day. Why do doctors call what they do practice? Where did I put my pajamas? Like, if you don't know, how should I? If you only have one eye, can you have double vision? Where am I? Uhh, shouldn't you know where you are? Can vegetarians eat...
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Monday, September 27, 2004
10 Things on My Done List Today
Research part-time day care, play groups, and pre-schools for the twins. Ordered a birthday cake and balloons. Researched home schooling options Found a terrific ADHD forum board at http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/default.asp. Gave the babies the bath they should have taken last night. Took a shower....
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Sunday, September 26, 2004
10 Things I Need for a Devious Plan
Time. Talent. The email addresses of all the evicted bloggers from the past two years. A loving husband who will do anything for me, which I have. A plan. The keys to a '65 Ford Mustang, cherry red, fully restored. A full tank of gas. A goddess complex. A personal stake in the outcome. Volunteers.
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Saturday, September 25, 2004
10 Things that Piss Me Off
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the...
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Friday, September 24, 2004
10 Ways to Handle a Mad Blogger
Speak softly and carry a big stick. Slip sedatives into her coffee. Ignore him. Report him to the men in black. Create a straight jacket out of your husband's old Fonzie leather jacket. Call a priest to perform an exorcism. Pretend it is all a joke and you are in on it. Pick sides and join the...
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Thursday, September 23, 2004
10 Situations Requiring Caution
Answering police questions without your attorney present. Talking to the press. Dealing with a stalker. Answering the infamous, "Does this outfit make me look fat" question. Purchasing anything on eBay, regardless of feedback rating. Driving through the inter-city after dark, before dawn, or during...
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Wednesday, September 22, 2004
10 Degrees of Separation, Beginning and Ending with Ewan McGregor
Hugh Grant Jeff Daniels Me Gibson Susan Surandon Samuel L. Jackson Frances Dormand Stuart Townsend Mark Wahlberg Drew Barrymore Ewan McGregor To find out how, got to Degrees of Separation and take the quiz. I got a big 0 out of ten correct. How did you do?
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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
10 Things I've Never Seen Anyone Blog About
My Sister Was My First True Love I Sleep With One Gun Under My Pillow and Another Between My Legs How Losing My Penis Has Made Me a Better Man I'm Having a Sex Change Operation because I Really Want to be a Man My Wife was a Rolling Stone My Life as a Jeff Foxworthy Groupie The Internet is the...
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Monday, September 20, 2004
10 Things I Learned from CSI
When committing murder, do it outside during a rain storm. In a matter of minutes, must of the evidence is washed away. To throw off the time of death calculation, either lower the room temperature or freeze the body. When disassembling a body, don't do it with your own tools. Chocolate can be...
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Sunday, September 19, 2004
10 Things to Do with a Bad Cold
Whine loudly and often. Leave your used tissues all over the house. Use it as an excuse to catch up on your sleep. Take a hot shower to clear your sinuses. Share it with everyone you love. Create a voodoo doll to use against whoever gave it to you. Mumble to yourself between bouts of blowing your...
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