Thursday, April 14, 2005
I'm still young.
I realized something today in the most unexpected of places. First, I remembered something I had learned a while ago about the distinction between conviction and guilt. It was very helpful to me today. I did not think any of those old "lessons" would be coming back to be of any use until perhaps much later in my life. But thankfully, I think, it was. Second, I realized that one of the things I admire about maturity, is the ability to go along not caring what anyone thinks. Letting storms blow...
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Friday, April 8, 2005
The Weird Disease called "guilt"
So I was agonizing to one of my new found friends, who happens to be a social worker, over the phone several weeks ago. It was about some guy who was giving me mixed signals (well, the "slave" I have mentioned in previous posts). He had told me he really wanted to talk the next day, which gave me bad vibes all around, that feeling that I was going to be "broken up" with or something of that nature. I was trying to disguise how much this bothered me as I talked with her, pouring out all my...
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So what it comes down to is I'm just a "Liberal?" Part Two
I guess I’m writing about this because of the lunch yesterday and the posts I have been running through. But to be honest, I’m running out of steam with this topic today. You’d think that something so important to me would give me plenty to say about it…but I’ve been distracted every five minutes and have spent almost an hour trying to write it, so that tells me I still don’t really like to talk about it. It isn’t easy. I respect the writer mightyholywarrior, whom I referenced before ( and I’d...
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So what it comes down to is, I'm just a "Liberal?"
I wonder. Yesterday I had the unfortunate experience of meeting a young woman for lunch whom I'd grown up with in my old church. Now, said person is very caring, genuine and sweet, which is why I have let her come close and agreed to meet her every once in a while for lunch, even though the sight of her in an unseemingly, "uniform" like skirt turns my stomach. But I do it anyway because I'm that kind of person and it takes a lot for me to shut a person out completely who genuinely tries to...
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Friday, April 1, 2005
Christian blogging illustrates a bit of a social phenomenomenomenon.
You know what I think is interesting? When you find blogs written by Christians (I don't mean just on this site, but anywhere that the writing is going to be public) most things they write about are written in the affirmative. I say "they" though I'm not pointing fingers or anything, because I used to do it too. Anyway, they write as if they are answering a question someone else has asked; instructive, authoritative, confident. I find myself wondering, do these people ever ask the questions? Do...
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Friday, March 25, 2005
When you're sexually repressed, what do you do? You're past the age of innocence, the shying back from sex. You're got at LEAST 10 years of "prime" ahead of you. At least. When you've put it off as long as I have (no I'm not a virgin), and then you join the game all late and have to spend some remedial time learning all the strategies (I wouldn't deign to call them rules) you are in a race against time. You know you're ready for something else in life. You need some fulfillment on a deeper...
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Wednesday, March 16, 2005
And the rest, including John Updike and the love slave.
The guy who is not my boyfriend is an atheist. He’s also an alcoholic and fast on his way to becoming a chain smoker…which is a shame because he’s a pretty little boy and he’s not even 30 yet. Oh well. He’s my slave in his heart and yet he’s still not really mine, and I accepted that rather well, I thought, this weekend. Even while I was holding him something in me resoundingly affirmed that there are a good number of reasons why he might not be right for me. And I didn’t feel any particular way...
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All I really want is love and Aslan's Country
Okay I am a tiny bit embarrassed to admit this but the truth about the "other country" I keep talking about, however the phrase came to me, is a dual metaphor both for my excursions into my artistic self, which feels vast and otherwordly and innocent and new as my childhood always did, and the missing glimpse of the "world" I somehow equate with God. And so somehow during my writing the past few weeks whenever I talked about the "other country" in my stream of consciousness morning pages,...
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The Clockwork Orange on Alcohol
Yesterday two of my roommates (the males) got me trashed the minute I walked in the door. Well I supposed trashed is a little strong but for me it was pretty drunk. We were watching Monty Python's The Meaning of Life which really doesn't make any sense and was actually philosophically disturbing in places...and what was disturbing about it was that it is supposed to be silly yet it seemed there might actually be a statement in there somewhere, and that bothered me. I kept trying to wrap my mind...
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Monday, March 14, 2005
Another night of Successful Domination
So I had a decent weekend except my car broke down coming back from the city where I'd gone to see the guy who is not my boyfriend. He was well; I thought all day he'd had terrible news because he wanted to talk to me about an email I'd sent him. And you know if HE wants to talk, it's not good. I was sick to my stomach but when I got there it turned out to be NOTHING...he wanted to unload his conscience about another girl he'd met and how confused he was about it and how he didn't want to be...
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