Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Poor Couple
A poor man and woman sat down in their living room and the man said, ''I'm going down to the pub for a bit, so put your coat on.'' The woman replied, ''Oh, sweetie, why? Are you taking me with you?'' The man replied, ''No, I'm turning the heat off.''
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Thursday, July 22, 2004
Deep Thought
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is...
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Friday, June 25, 2004
When you die
Live how you would wish to have lived when you are dying
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Thursday, June 24, 2004
Message From The Prime Minister
Message From The Prime Minister =============================== Since the Taliban cannot stand nudity and consider it a sin to see a naked woman that is not a wife, this Saturday afternoon at 2:00 pm Eastern Standard Time, all Australian women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to...
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Sunday, June 20, 2004
Morning gas
A man woke up every morning and passed gas. After about eight or nine years of marriage, his wife finally said, if you fart any more, you'll fart your guts out. Being a butcher, the wife decided to put pig scraps in his pants so he would wake up, and not do it anymore. She put the scraps in his...
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Saturday, June 19, 2004
A drunk driver
A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?” “I've been to the pub,” slurs the drunk. “Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you've had quite a few.” “I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile. “Did you...
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Friday, June 18, 2004
What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at the nursing home.
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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
A Definite Definition
A Definite Definition A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt." She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on...
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Tuesday, June 15, 2004
A man moves on even in death
A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting...
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Wednesday, June 9, 2004
What it is to be worried sick
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it...
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