Michaeloops

Michaeloop No. 121 I’ve got no time for the movement to expunge March 11 from the calendar. Hey, it’s my birthday! The reason for the push – or should I say putsch – is that apparently it’s the date when Hitler gave up his aspirations to be a painter for a career as a tyrant bent on world... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 117 I love sausages. So much so that I am the Secretary of the Townsville chapter of the Sausage Appreciation Society. Our motto is “Carpe Diem with a Sausage”, and we eat at least one sausage every day. We also do a lot of charity work, donating sausages to underprivileged children.... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 113 A trial with amazing results has been taking place in Latvia. For the last twelve months, they have been using chocolate money. It has given new meaning to the expression “eat yourself out of house and home”. But remarkably, everyone is healthier, and happier, because they are not... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 109 Feel very sorry for those men who contract winkiac disease. It is a disease that only men suffer from, and it is just a matter of time before they die from it. If you are a winkiac, you have an uncontrollable urge to wink at women. And yes, sooner or later you will wink at a... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 105 There’s much to be said for the nutritional benefits of gravel. With more fibre than bran, and plenty of trace minerals, it is also a powerful aphrodisiac. Look out for my just released “Quick and Easy Gravel Recipes” cookbook, the follow-up to “Easy Gravel Cooking for One”. Do... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 101 To try to improve the image of the British monarchy, Prince Charles moved out of Clarence House into an igloo in Hyde Park. The plan, while seeming a good one during a particularly heavy London snow storm, ultimately proved less than satisfactory. By mid-March the igloo had... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 97 Okay, so you want to know the truth about it. The Loch Ness monster is three Scottish comedians in a plesiosaur suit. Sightings are rare, partly because they are getting paid peanuts by the Scottish Tourism Board, and partly because whenever they do the stunt, all three get a... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No.93 Everyone has heard of colour therapy – put someone in an all red room (red walls, red furniture), for example, and they will start behaving like a tomato – but less of you, I feel sure, will know about the alleged therapeutic benefits of aura fishing. You sit crosslegged on the... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 89 The group Potash Vegetable Garden have done it. They have taken popular music to the next level by devising a new genre: soil music. Jake Ashcroft is on spade and vocals, Wendy Michaels is on trowel, and Jesse “earth mover” O’Flaherty is on pitchfork. Their first album, “Soil” is... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 85 In the next life, I’m going to beg Jesus to send me back to Earth as a Christmas tree. This is my idea of heaven: to come out for a brief season of peace on Earth and goodwill to all people, and spend the other eleven months of the year put away in a cupboard. You see, I’ve always... Sign in to see full entry.