Michaeloops

Michaeloop No. 161 Cardboard billionaire tycoon Eric Sandford III is probably best termed a tight-assed philanthropist. Among his recent philanthropic activities is going to the local prison, and giving each of the inmates a cardboard box with the words “pull your socks up” embossed on the top. As... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 157 A Tibetan boy band, Yada Yada Yak, has broken into the Billboard Top 100 with a rousing cover of “Eleanor Rigby”. Yeshe is on conch, Pasang is on tingsha, and Jangbu is on gong. They have sold out Lhasa theatre five times, and they are now preparing for an American tour. When... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 153 The vegetable hate organization, the Klu Klux Karrot, are a sad bunch. Mindless hatred and prejudice always is. They only come out in public during the Christmas season, when they dress up in Santa suits and hang around supermarket car parks harassing shoppers who they suspect... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 149 Frank, Dean and Sammy Davis were the rat pack, well, Paris Hilton is, by all accounts, determined to found a contemporary equivalent. She has dubbed it the hamster pack, and apparently she approached all the A-list women celebrities she knows, but there have been no takers. Paris... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 145 My finances were a mess, so I made an appointment to see my bank manager. “I’ve got four months supply of packets of quick oats and packets of skim milk,” I told her, “so I’m not about to starve. But things are pretty dire.” She gave me a long look over the rims of her glasses.... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 141 For the first time since the Melbourne Park arena opened, the semi-finals of the Australian Open tennis tournament this year were played in the car park. I’m not sure who won, but I did catch something on the TV news about a player throwing his racquet and it smashing through a... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 137 Where do lonely hearts find love around here? It used to be the fruit and vegetable section of the local supermarket – there’s nothing like suggestively picking up a brussels sprout – but now, it seems, the best place to find the love of your life is the local rubbish dump. The... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 133 The art of magic has gone seriously downhill since Merlin’s day. At the risk of mortally offending all LA Lakers fans, it’s a travesty to dub Earvin Johnson as “Magic”. As far as I know he never did any weak, easy magic like making a basketball appear out of thin air, let alone... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 129 William Shakespeare, near-universally regarded as the greatest writer in the English language until David Hasselhoff started publishing poetry books, was something of an amateur alchemist. While he never turned base metal into gold, on a good day he could turn brass into silver.... Sign in to see full entry.

Michaeloop No. 125 I’m well behaved when eating out at restaurants, but in the privacy of my home I confess to being a gnocchi spitter. My saliva is particularly adhesive, and I take great delight in spitting the potato balls at my dart board. It’s not that hygienic, I know, as I’ll pull a ball off... Sign in to see full entry.