Bra Pat's Urban Legends

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Monday, April 9, 2012

THE TOOTHLESS ROBBER OF JOHANNESBURG

Visiting executive Chen Huan from China was in a chauffeur driven car going to an important meeting at the Sandton Convention Centre. He saw a street pole newspaper poster saying ‘ Brenda Fassie Dies’. The car passed a drab building along the way. In front of it were two flags flying at half-mast.... Sign in to see full entry.

LEFU LEHOLO I.J. AND THE BAD MAN

The big day he had been waiting for arrived. At last, he would realise his dream. If there was something Lefu Leholo wanted more than anything in this world, it was to see The New Sun pole-poster in the street saying: ‘LEFU LEHOLO WRITES FOR US.’ Three people were on the interviewing panel: a blond... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, April 7, 2012

THE PRESIDENT'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET

President Thabo Mbeki received an urgent phone call from his wife one morning after he had just sat down behind his desk in his office at the Union Buildings in Pretoria. He went to take it in his private study. ‘Thabo, we must talk.’ The First Lady said. ‘Zanele, what is the matter dear? Are you... Sign in to see full entry.

KOROBELA: A DRUG THAT INDUCES DOCILITY

‘I am not the monster that I am being made out to be. The pills and potions I prepared were for crowd control, to pacify rioters during periods of unrest, not to kill civilians.’ said Dr. Wouter Basson, during his trial for alleged war crimes committed in the apartheid era. (Throughout the trial,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

DEATH OF A TEACHER

I was shocked to learn that MaBantu had burned her husband to death. Mr. Benjamin Bantu, affectionately known as Oom Ben, alias Tragédie, was my former high school History teacher. This was at a time when almost every week the Golden City Post, a Sunday tabloid, ran stories about poltergeists,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

THE ONE CLIPPER VACUUM CLEANER

The merger between Wal-Mart and Massmart caused widespread public protests in South Africa because of Wal-Mart’s policy of procuring goods for sale cheaply from foreign countries and thus crippling local producers and manufacturers. The Competitions Commission and High Court allowed the merger to... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

WHY ALCATRAZ WAS BUILT

T he CIA learned that the Mafia had made Houdini an offer that he could not refuse and advised the USA government to build a prison from which it was impossible to escape. As a pre-emptive measure, Alcatraz was built; in case Houdini decided to join the mobsters as a hit man. The Democrats warned... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, April 2, 2012

IMPOTENCE

1998. The Post Office in Rosslyn; Lunchtime. Tawana is at the counter against the wall. He signs the slip advising him to fetch a registered parcel he had long been waiting for; it must be the penis enlargement cream, Vusa, he had ordered from that Nigerian herbalist, Dr. Okoba, in Durban, he... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

MUMMIES ON THE BUS

Little Lolla boarded a bus with her mother and saw a toothless old lady whose tight, puckered mouth, sunken cheeks and sad look on her face made her look like she was crying. ‘Don’t cry, Granny, they will grow again.’ Little Lolla said, consoling the old magrizana like her own mother used to do each... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

THE TOWER OF BABEL

2004 ‘John Robbie, shame on you.’ The caller on 702 Radio station said in a tremulous, agitated voice. ‘You always lash out at people for being racist, yet you are the biggest racist of all.’ John Robbie, radio talk show host, was on his guard immediately as he pictured a hoary old lady at the other... Sign in to see full entry.

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