Bra Pat's Urban Legends

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Wednesday, September 18, 2013

FORGIVE AND FORGET

“What living creature on earth has the longest memory of all?” asked Mr Rabaji, one of my High School teachers, whose jokes during lessons I remember better than what he was teaching at the time. In fact I don’t even remember what subjects he was teaching us. “It is the despised Bushman of the... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

DISEMBOWELMENT

Once upon a time, there was a great scarcity of meat throughout the land. Sempe, who liked meat, cut a huge chunk out of his thigh, the saltiest part of the human body. This caused him to become very, very thirsty after eating it. He filled his belly with all the water that he could find and... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

THE BOOK OF JUDGES

“ This heading is a red herring ” Repeat this phrase as fast as you can thrice, to see how loose you tongue is. “He has a loose tongue. One day he will swallow it and die. ” said soccer coach Ertugal about his rival, coach Dumitru. They were both from Eastern Europe and coaching in South Africa. How... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

TUTU'S TRIBULATIONS

“He must just go and find the nearest cemetery and die” one of the foul-mouthed leaders of the ANC Youth League said when Archbishop Tutu criticised the ruling party for one misdemeanour or another. Then there was the invitation he had extended to the Dalai Lama of Tibet to attend his 85 th birthday... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

THE LEATHER JACKET

When I bought the leather jacket I did not know what trouble it would bring me. I bought it with money I had won in Fah-Fee, the Chinese numbers game which was illegal at the time and still is. The only form of legal gambling in the country was placing bets on horses in the Durban July Rothman’s... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, August 26, 2013

PHYSIO THE RAPIST

‘Gang leader, Ramphele Mamphela launches New Political Party’. The newspaper headlines said. People were outraged. So that is how she amassed the riches she declared recently, they said, until the newspaper apologised: ‘ The heading should have read; Agang leader…. Agang is the name of her new... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, August 23, 2013

UNFORTUNATE CHOICE OF WORDS(3)

19/4/2010: A volcano erupts in Iceland and spews ash into the skies over Europe. Air flights are cancelled. Hundreds of people are stranded and sleep in airports. People feared that FIFA President Sepp Blatter’s predictions might come true, that only a natural disaster would stop the 2010 FIFA World... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

UNFORTUNATE CHOICE OF WORDS (1)

“ Over my dead body, ” Professor Melbar said to Mr. Angar, eminent Professor of Urology at The University of Natal Medical School. They were discussing fifth year student Sewawa’s overall scholastic performance. “He will become a doctor over my dead body. I have never come across anybody as stupid... Sign in to see full entry.

UNFORTUNATE CHOICE OF WORDS (2)

“A replica of The Titanic is going to be built and passengers would be invited for a cruise on it along the same route the ill-fated ship had taken through the treacherous waters and icebergs of the North Atlantic seas.” Radio 702 Talk Show host John Robbie announced one morning, recently. “It will... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

NO LION WITH BAD BREATH

Before the advent of animal rights activists, as children, we used to look forward to Boswell and Wilkes Circus coming to town. It had elephants dancing on their hind legs- quite an awesome act - four Bengal Tigers running in formation, a Hungarian equestrian riding two horses at the same time; the... Sign in to see full entry.

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