Sunday, July 6, 2008
OUCH! WHAT ELSE CAN WE SAY?
Newspaper Headline: "Bullfighter leaves the ring on a "high" note..Applies for position as a soprano with the Opera"
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Saturday, July 5, 2008
NEW FUEL GAUGE TELLS ALL
The numbers are adjustable as the gas prices go up.
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Thursday, July 3, 2008
CAT CENSOR
Cat: "No peeking. Our humans are very busy right now." Dog: "Is that why they're lying on the floor making strange noises?"
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Wednesday, July 2, 2008
"SHE WALKED INTO MY OFFICE LIKE A CENTIPEDE WITH 98 MISSING LEGS"
These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays: He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut. Shots rang out, as shots...
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Tuesday, July 1, 2008
KEEP ALL SCISSORS AND OPEN FLAMES FAR FAR AWAY
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Monday, June 30, 2008
DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THOSE CUTE LITTLE IMPORTS?
It was really easy on gas. Now it's REALLY easy on gas!
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Sunday, June 29, 2008
PANIC IN THE BOOKSTORE!
A friend and her young son, Reid, were browsing in a large bookstore. Engrossed in making a selection, my friend had lost sight of her child. "Reid!" she called out, racing through the aisles. "Reid!" Just as she spotted the boy, she bumped into another customer. "Pardon me, ma'am," he said, "but...
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A HOLY HOLE IN ONE
There once was a priest who really loved to play golf. He awoke one Sunday morning to a beautiful sunny day and thought, "I've just got to play golf today!" He called over the assistant priest and told him he didn't feel well and asked him to say mass for him. The assistant priest agreed and the...
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
GOD BLESS THE COMPANY CAR!
It accelerates at a phenomenal rate. It has a much shorter braking distance than the private car. It can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars. The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked. The floor is cunningly designed to double as an ashtray. It does not need...
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Friday, June 27, 2008
NOW HERE'S A REAL HOME MADE WOODIE
No 4x4's available, but lots of 2x4's!
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