Friday, March 2, 2012
AH GENETICS!
Geneticaly Modified Signs Signs that scientists have gone too far with genetically modified food: *Your hot dog just fetched its own ketchup and relish. *You spot the tell-tale signs of a primitive central nervous system in you Jell-O. *Chocchini: looks like zucchini, tastes like a Ding Dong. *The...
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Friday, February 10, 2012
WHY TEACHERS GO GREY
These are reported to be actual test answers from various schools in the Huntsville, Alabama metropolitan area: Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q: What is a planet? A: A body of earth...
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Monday, February 6, 2012
TAX FORM AS A TAX CUT?
Lying next to the scissors, the tax form... Ah, sweet temptation! GWS 2012
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Saturday, February 4, 2012
STAY AT YOUR OWN RISK?
Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write...
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Friday, February 3, 2012
CALLING IN FAT
Our local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a virus. One evening my brother came home exhausted from a long day at work. "Did you read the paper?" he asked. "I'm not going in to work tomorrow. I'm calling in fat."
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Sunday, January 22, 2012
"WERE YOU ALONE OR BY YOURSELF?"
The following questions from lawyers were taken from official records nationwide: 1. Was that the same nose you broke as a child? 2. Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?...
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Thursday, January 19, 2012
"TAKE MY ADVICE. I'M NOT USING IT."
If cats wore t-shirts, here is what they might say: "Purrfection cannot be improved" "If you don't like my attitude, you should see my cat" "Menopaws, This is the hottest I've been in years." "Take my advice. I'm not using it." "I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?" "Cats know how we...
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Monday, January 16, 2012
AND YOUR NAME IS?
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great!...
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Saturday, January 14, 2012
DEDUCT THAT DIME
I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your...
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Wednesday, January 11, 2012
SICKLY DAYS??
It was the toughest experience of my life. First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double pneumonia and phthisis. Appendicitis was followed by tonsillectomy. These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I completely...
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