Tuesday, November 24, 2009
THOSE BLIND DATES CAN BE A SLAP IN THE FACE
An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered, "I thought he was dead."
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Sunday, November 22, 2009
LAUGHTER - THE INSTANT VACATION
Humorous Quotes on Life Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. - ~Ronald Reagan I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor My therapist told me the way to...
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Friday, November 20, 2009
WELL, IT MAKES SENSE TO A KID
Preparing for a family vacation, Kathy and Matt explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, "Are we there yet?" After a few...
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Wednesday, November 18, 2009
YOU KNOW, HE'S GOT A GOOD POINT!
A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often, "Boy, I hope I'm sick!" After about the fifth or sixth time, the receptionist couldn't stand it any longer, and asked, "Why in the world would you want to be sick, Mr. Jones?" The man replied, "I'd hate to be well...
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Saturday, November 14, 2009
COULD WE SAY "REMOTELY SIMILAR?"
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Thursday, November 12, 2009
TRUE WORDS OF WISDOM
Alan asks, "I know you're crazy about that little daughter of yours, Steve. What are you going to do when she starts to date?" Steve says, "I figure I'll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder, and pull him close to me so that only he can hear. Then I'll say, "Do you see that...
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Monday, November 9, 2009
TRANSCRIBED CONFUSION
We were thoroughly confused. While transcribing medical audiotapes, my co-worker came upon the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has 'pholenfrometry'." Knowing nothing about that particular condition, she double-checked with Doctor Mike Wilson. After listening to the tape, he shook his head....
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Thursday, November 5, 2009
Someone Here Has a Leaky Pipe Emergency?
A lady answered her front door to find a plumber standing there. "I'm here tofix the leaky pipe," he announced. "I didn't call a plumber," said thelady. "What?" huffed the plumber. "Aren't you Mrs. Frobisher?" The Frobishers moved out of this house over a year ago," explained thelady. "How do you...
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Monday, November 2, 2009
NO ONE CAN SAY THESE EGGS ARE HEARTLESS
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
AND THE CHIEF MOUSE IS...
Live Mouse: "Okay, scram. There's only room for one mouse in the house and that's me. And while you're at it, take that crazy machine with you."
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