Naut's Funnies...

By Nautikos - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Sunday, September 2, 2012

A Linguistics Professor...

was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Cutting Grass...

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer, important things. Finally she decided to make her point in what she thought was a clever way, kind of... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Howlers...

These were allegedly taken from kids’ essays and collected by the Missouri School Music Newsletter. “Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this.” “A virtuoso is a musician with really high morals.” “Refrain... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

REVENGE OF THE BLONDES…

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette? Brown-bagging it... What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure? No one else wants it... Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? So brunettes can remember them... What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? Invisible...... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

A Few Years Ago...

...the Sierra Club and the US Forest Service were presenting an alternative to Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true methods of shooting and/or trapping the predator, the tree-huggers had a "more humane" solution.... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Turkey Hunting…

An 80-year-old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?" The old timer said, "I'm a turkey hunter and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out chasing... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

How to Deal with Awkward Customers...

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, July 20, 2012

More or Less Recent Additions to Our Language…

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. 3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

"CAT"TY QUOTES...

"Dogs have owners, cats have staff."- Anon "If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer." - Alfred North Whitehead "The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it." - Doug Larson... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

An Assembly of Genius...

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we... Sign in to see full entry.

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