Ask Miss Chatty

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Tuesday, June 6, 2006

Lemons can be a Girl's Nightmare in Hollandaise Sauce

(re-runs) Dear Miss Chatty: Yesterday I made eggs benedict and substituted regular bacon for Canadian bacon. Somehow, the Hollandaise Sauce was not quite right as well. There was a bit of mold on the English Muffin, which I chopped off after toasting. The whole thing was quite messy, especially... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 1, 2006

Bathing: A short term ritual from a Mid-50's Fad - Heaven Help Us!

(re-runs) Dear Miss Chatty: I'm from the old school, where bathing is not necessarily a morning eye-opener, but something one does only on Saturday nights. My friends have on occasion told me that I'm less than fresh, but I'm not impressed. The human aroma is a good thing, as Martha Stewart would... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Man who Chokes on Boney Fish Deserves the Lazy Susan Award for Fibbing

(re-Run) Dear Miss Chatty: I am a 38 year old man who just left the hospital having choked on a fish bone in a Chinese Restaurant. I also suffered a terrible burn from a tea pot that scutted off its lazy susan just as I was choking. Scalded and gasping for air, I flung myself about the restaurant,... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Practice Makes Perfect, but Not when Crime Doesn't Pay

(re-run) Dear Miss Chatty: I read in the Jade Owl about the brilliant plan you devised for escaping during a foot chase through San Francisco's Golden Gate Park. It was sheer genuis. Now, I drive a getaway car for a family of domestic felons, who never resort to violence, but depend on my skills to... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, May 19, 2006

UPS Syndrome can keep you in the Poor House

Dear Miss Chatty: I have a terrible problem. I'm addicted to Amazon.com. I'll browse the book, CD and DVD offers several times a day; and buy, buy, buy. I'll spend a $1,000 per month on stuff I never get to read, listen or watch. I just rush home waiting for the UPS packages to arrive. It's such a... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 15, 2006

For the Thrill of Tongue Metal, Go to Winnemucca

(re-run) Dear Miss Chatty: I bought my boyfriend a present, which somehow he did not appreciate. I had my tongue pierced to increase his pleasure as I traverse all those little your know what's during our love fests. My mistake was telling him over the phone that I had the best present he could... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Velveeta at Christmas takes some Earning

(re-run) Dear Miss Chatty: I am one of 12 children in an adult family, which has now sporned dozens of nieces and nephews, beyond counting. Christmas is a terrible time for me, as I am single, while my eleven siblings are married and do not believe in controlled parenthood. While I spend thousands... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Teddy Bears after 50 can be Harmful to Your Love Life

(re-run) Dear Miss Chatty: I am a 52 year old gay guy who has fallen in love for the hundredth time-but this time, I thought it was for keeps. He's younger and butcher (not the butcher as in "meat", although... ). Recently, Harold (not his real name) came over to the house to watch TV. He saw my two... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

Splainin' the Stainin' can be fun for all Ages

(re-run) Dear Miss Chatty: I know there are books to get such information, but how do you get stains... how should I say it... love stains out of the sofa cushions. I got a little passionate last night with the video I was watching. I tried water and soap and detergent. That managed to lighten the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 8, 2006

A Night at the Opera can lead to Serial Killings

(re-run) Dear Miss Chatty: My girlfriend says I don't have enough culture. I like hip-hop and rap. I get nervous in museums, and I hate classical music. She's beautiful and I am willing to change. So, I got tickets to the Opera. I got all guped up, bought her flowers and even hired a limo to show I... Sign in to see full entry.

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