Divorce Therapy

I guess for me, blogging has come and gone in my life. I've blogged when I needed to and stopped blogging when other hobbies stood in the way. I'm now into writing fanfiction again and just wrote a new chapter for a story I had left unfinished for four years. Besides, if I don't post daily then I can't make back the money I am spending here and it becomes not worth it. Last month I made it but this month I certainly aren't. Indeed, I'm seriously considering leaving for a while and perhaps I'll... Sign in to see full entry.

I wanted to use this blog as a personal therapy tool and it's been working fine so far. I mean, I don't really know how much good its actually doing. I still have my bad days and my good ones too. This last week has been hard with the crashes and money problems at all. But I don't want to be repeating the same thing over and over and over. I'm divorced, I feel like a loser, I will never find true love. My ex husband is an idiot. Look at the idiotic things he does. Oh my God, I have such bad... Sign in to see full entry.

Oh God, another incident to ad to the list of my recent misfortunes... I: A) Damaged the front bumper of my rental car. B) Lost a check for $150 and will be receiving it in 90 days. I'm at the end of my rope here! Yesterday during my lunch I decided to go and deposit a check at my bank. I ended up at the wrong back and realized it after doing the line. I got back into my car to leave. The spot next to me was empty and there were cars behind me. I was concentrated behind me, backing out of my... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday I ran into my ex mother and father in law and I also ran into some people who I hadn't seen in almost two years. They had all gone to my wedding. I talked to a couple who had been friends with us and they already knew about my divorce and through my ex mil and fil... It makes me wonder, really, what have they been saying about me. Seeing them was not the most pleasant experience. The worst part is the look she gave me, so full of anger and disappointment and perhaps a bit of hate. The... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday morning I was on an expressway on my way to work when I decided to change lanes. I looked over but the other car apparently was exactly at my blind spot. I started changing lanes and the other car beeped at me. I freaked out and went back into my lane. I overcompensated and did it too hard so my car started swerving. I struggled to regain control to no avail. My car went off the road into the grass and hit a light pole. The light pole hit my car right on my door and shattered the... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday I went to the shrink again and we had a good session... We discussed the whole situation with Tim and we agreed that, I need to set better boundaries in our relationship. He's as manipulative as ever. I need to make my own decisions about how to deal with him and not just automatically do whatever someone else tells me. Among other issues we touched on my self-esteem and how I see myself vs how others see me. This includes my parents. I'm a grown woman. It's ok for them to give me... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday morning it was just Carlos and I in the office (as in Carlos from Happy Hour ) for a while and we started talking. I ended up telling a bit about my recent situation with Tim. Everyone in the office knows about my divorce. He told me that I needed to set myself some proactive goals and he made me take a piece of paper and a marker to write them down. So this is the list I made... 1) Reduce debt by $750 (total of $8,000 which will be paid off in 32 months) 2) Talk to two new people each... Sign in to see full entry.

This is a never ending story, isn't it? This weekend Tim and I were still going back on forth on the debt payment thing and he texts me to stop calling him about money because I was causing "friction". Um, yeah. You know what causes friction? Like when we were married and you would go out three times a week to drink beers with your stupid buddies, or when you lost $500 dollars playing poker. Oh, and remember that time you took out a BB gun and threatened me with it? That was pretty friction... Sign in to see full entry.

In the past I would unwisely post photos of myself and others in blogging sites. This created a big problem in my life because someone who I didn’t want reading my blogs apparently read them and well, it was a bit embarrassing. I write intensely private posts sometimes and I want to remain anonymous, therefore, I won’t be posting photos of myself. However, perhaps I can give you a general idea of what I look like. I like being able to visualize the writer sometimes. I am quite small, standing at... Sign in to see full entry.

These past few days have been a bit chaotic with all the talking to Tim. As you read in my last post, he freaked me out with his question, "Would you have wanted to come back?" The day my dad picked up my laptop I was talking to Lisa and he called so I put Lisa on hold. I told Tim everything had gone well with the pickup and then said I was with a friend on the other line. T: "Guy or girl?" L: "Girl, ok?" T. "Are you sure?" L: "Listen, what is your deal? Why are you always asking me about this,... Sign in to see full entry.

Today Tim and I had quite a disturbing conversation… We have been discussing how he is going to deposit his part of the debt consolidation into my account on Friday even though I had told him it was due tomorrow. It’s a lie, it isn’t due until the 30 th, but I suspected something like this would happen so I told him it was due sooner. In any case, he had called me last night at 11 pm and I didn’t get the call, so I called him at lunch today to see what’s up. He told me he had called by mistake... Sign in to see full entry.

As some of you know, I have been working on my first book and I am very excited about it. I have sent the first three chapters to some of you bloggers and I appreciate the responses -although I'm still waiting for some of you. In any case, I really want to receive more feedback on them. Do any of you know of a good webpage where I could post the chapters as I work on them and be able to receive real feedback on them? I know of several poetry ones where I have posted my poetry but now I'm working... Sign in to see full entry.

Yesterday I had a mini emotional crisis triggered by several factors… I was reading a really romantic but sad story that had an ambivalent ending and also I finally got my laptop and bathrobe from Tim’s parents. That’s all I managed to get back from everything I left behind or forgot. You would think that after EVERYTHING I’VE FREAKING DONE FOR HIM he would at least make a bigger effort to send me more of my stuff. But no, he teased me about it for two damned months. At least I got my laptop and... Sign in to see full entry.

Some of my coworkers decided they were going to Happy Hour at some bar like five miles from the office. I usually don't do happy hour with coworkers, really, I don't think I've ever been at a job where I have even been invited or that has been done. "Oh, come on," said Carlos, the coworker that sits next to me. "You have to go." So I did go. At the beginning Carlos was the only one there and we just chatted for a bit until some women from our enemy/partner company also came. Two other coworkers... Sign in to see full entry.

I am 26 years old but every time people try to guess how old I am they give me a range of 18-20 and 20's pushing it. When I was younger it used to really really piss me off. I remember turning 15 and feeling all grown up and like a lady and having people think I was like 11. Last year I was hanging out with Tim and his little newphew at a fair. We were going to get into the little race cars and Tim and his nephew wouldn't fit in one and he was too small to go by himself, so he was going with me.... Sign in to see full entry.