The State Bore of Texas

By ScBoates - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

BUSH PLAN: FLIRT WITH GONZALEZ, BUT MARRY THE MONKEY

AFTER CONFIRMATION FOREPLAY, BUSH TO CLAIM CHIMP AS HIS CHOICE Washington, D.C. (State Bore News) – Well-placed Bush administration sources confirm that the President is prepared to name Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez as a smokescreen choice to replace retiring Supreme Court Associate Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. "But make no mistake," our source tells The Bore, "He’ll consummate with Judge Chimp." Sources tell The Bore that the administration will entice a blood-letting over a first choice,... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, July 4, 2005

Non-Human High Court Justice Breaks New Ground in Fight Against Prejudice

July 4: Meet Justice Ork, Texas Supreme Court, the Face of the New America Wimberley, Texas (State Bore News) – When Texas Supreme Court Justice Ork was newly harvested from the bowels of Hell by the extremists who control judicial politics in Harris County, his dying mother told him, "Son, be careful whom you seek to destroy in this life. You never know when you might need your enemy." Justice Ork has never forgotten the tender words of a mother whom he smothered to death by grasping by the... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, July 3, 2005

‘Above the Bench!’ Initiative Takes Aim at Judicial Masturbation Pandemic

FOR TOO MANY IN THE BLACK ROBE, IDLE HANDS ARE THE DEVIL’S TOOLS Dallas (State Bore News) – For Miriam McKinney, Ph.D., coordinator of the State Bar of Texas’ Above the Bench! initiative, the work is a deeply personal calling. "My Dad was a State Civil District Judge, and his father before him was a Federal Judge. Both were habitual masturbators on the bench and left in disgrace." But McKinney hopes efforts such as Above the Bench! will stop the cycle of pain. "It’s worse than we ever imagined,"... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, July 2, 2005

UNITY! BAKERSFIELD CHIMP LEADING CHOICE TO REPLACE O’CONNOR

Perfect Combination as Progessive and Strict Constructionist WASHINGTON, D.C. (State Bore News) -- The State Bore Washington Bureau has learned from well-placed sources that The Bakersfield Chimp has emerged as the leading choice of key Republicans and Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee to replace retiring Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. The Chimp was acquitted last month by a California jury of charges it had mauled an animal lover and his wife. With both political parties fearing the... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, July 1, 2005

‘A MAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE’ DEFENSE INTRIGUES MANY

NOVEL DEFENSE DEBUTS IN HOUSTON MURDER CASE Houston (State Bore News) -- Legal experts around the nation are focused on a novel defense floated last month in the Basura-Blanco murder case. The case is scheduled for trial in Houston this Fall. In September, 2004, Billy Blanco was just starting to put his life together. In an interview from the Harris County jail last week, Blanco said he was finishing tech school in Houston and holding down a full time job with 20-Vision T.V. News. Then, he says,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

USA Boss Shark: The Bar Targets Us

STATE BAR SLAMMED WITH LAWSUIT OVER BIG-SHARK BIAS Austin (State Bore News) – The Union of Solo Attorneys (USA) sued the State Bar of Texas today alleging deceptive trade practices, conspiracy and other claims. USA claims Texas attorneys from large firms are not held to the same standards as solo or small firm lawyers, and that the State Bar of Texas intentionally targets lawyers from small law firms for ethical investigations. The suit cites the sparse ethical prosecutions of attorneys... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Mock Weddings To Counter "Homosexual Coup-de-tat" of Texas Culture

HOUSTON J-P SAYS HE’LL MARRY SAME-SEX CHARACTERS THROUGH NOVEMBER REFERENDUM Houston (State Bore News) -- In a move he says is necessary to call attention to November’s referendum on same sex unions in Texas, Houston Justice of the Peace Pete Hillary has announced he will perform weekly mock weddings of "obviously homosexual" characters from American literature and popular culture. "This goes beyond Tinky-Winky and Sponge Bob Square Pants, although they are among the betrothed," Hillary said... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

IS FORCED DIVERSITY ALWAYS GOOD?

Recent High Court Brawl Bodes Ill for Appointment of Texas Judges AUSTIN (State Bore News) -- Tensions remain high on the Texas Supreme Court following last Tuesday’s brawl between Chief Justice Mack Jones and Justice Ork. The dispute arose during oral arguments before the Court. The Chief Justice repeatedly referred to B.L.Zibub, Chief Counsel for The Insurance Industry of Texas and a likely candidate for Governor, as "Mr. Zibub" instead of his preferred title, Dark Wizzard from Hell. Ork, who... Sign in to see full entry.

TEXAS BAR SCANDAL WIDENS; NEW MEMO SAID PENNED BY SUPREME COURT JUSTICE

Plan for ‘Thinning’ Lawyers Involves ‘Open Season’ Coinciding with Thanksgiving Break AUSTIN (State Bore News) -- The State Bar of Texas again found itself on the defensive as another explosive memo was leaked Friday in which an unidentified Supreme Court Justice proposed an, "Open (hunting) season on First Year Law Students... at Thanksgiving break," in exchange for legislative concessions on tort reform and judicial pay raises. The explosive memo concedes, "Only a single, very certin (sic)... Sign in to see full entry.

TEXAS A&M, U of H PEN HISTORIC EXCHANGE OF PROGRAMS

Ags Get Law School, But Coogs Score ‘Research’ Dollars With Cow College Coup COLLEGE STATION (State Bore News) -- In a stunning, historic exchange between two major American public universities, Texas A&M University and the University of Houston are expected to announce Monday that each is trading a major academic college and program. Described as a teacher-for-teacher, student-for-student exchange, the major development is designed to bolster each university in an area each sees as its... Sign in to see full entry.

Headlines (What is this?)