I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE -BY LUBY 123

Monday, February 16, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After being away for a few days home felt good. Lane was on my service wanting to know if dinner was still on. My addiction was there also hi, baby just checking up on you call you later. I was still confused about what he had said about his turning in his player card. Decided i would deal with that at a later time. Called Lane to confirm our dinner hey, girl we still on sure. Lane is a needy kind of woman when it comes to men. She needs the man to solve all her problems even anticipate some... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, February 13, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After leaving the hospital I decided to check my messages and visit a friend. I did have a message from Lucas my addiction. His message was warm and expressed the way I was feeling. I miss you baby, I don't do separation well. Can a player turn in his player card these were the words I needed to hear. My response would be how soon, but I did not answer his message. I called Lane to see if she was still getting married. Yeah it is still on, well I will see you tomorrow. Called my cousin to tell... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After talking with my friend girl i headed out to the hospital. On the ride in i thought of Lucas my addiction. It had been five days since i seen him i miss him. I keep him in my mind at all times i have flashback of our times together. It is what has got me through these last five days without sex he is the only man i know that can give me a orgasm just thinking about him. My body longs for him and even worst than that i know i am falling in love with him. So much this week i had that sinking... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Why is it when you are trying to get out of the house the phone always rings? I'm one of those people can't pass a ringing phone. To my surprise it was a friend girl what"s up i said i am getting married. Married this is a girl who just last week told me she was dating two guys. Lane was young still waiting on that prince. In the beginning of of both relationships(a passionate or romantic attachment). He asked me she replied wrong answer guess she never been asked before. Marriage is a big step... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After the ride home and catching up with brother Ray i was tired. I asked about how mama was and her room number at the hospital. Mama had been hospitalized since i last spoke with my brother. Mama was a strong woman,quiet reserved but she loved her babies. The phone rang and i answered it. It was my cousin more like my sister we grew up together. We got into all kind of trouble together. She like myself has been to the middle twice so we thought. At fifty she still believes in prince charming... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

When i arrived home i realized there was a car sitting in my driveway. I recognized it to be Lucas my addiction's car. He was sitting in it the radio was on. I walked over knocked on the window he looked at me open the window. He did and i could smell a familiar smell. Many times i smelled it on my husband number one he was a mama's boy that went straight from the breast to the bottle.I asked what he was doing there he replied waiting on you to come home from your date. I said let's go inside he... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

I've been dealing with a different kind of relationship(the state of being related)this past week.I went home to visit my elderly mother. While sitting in her kitchen looking out the window i realized in a way i had become my mother. Mama had always doted on her boys my five brothers. Mama was from the old school she waited on daddy hand and foot. Same with her boy all mama boys. None of her boys were able to remain in the middle one or two never even got there. I am beginning to think it may be... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Lucas my addiction called today to discuss business and at end he said hey i still love you. He had never said i love you over the phone before it left confused and shocked. I said me too he said really surprised also. I had not thought where we are in this relationship(a romantic or passionate attachment). I had not even consider his feelings in this relationship(a romantic or passionate attachment). Being a player i just assume he had none. You know what assume spells ass-u-me ass out of you... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

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Thursday, January 22, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Well it has been ten days since i started by detoxify. In ten days i lost a love and lover. I am alone again which in away is a good thing. I now realize when you are with someone and you feel alone then that is not the person you need to be with.Because the person you truly belong with you can be with them or apart from them and you are still with them. Like Lucas my addiction i am apart from him more than with him but i always felt with him. I could go all week and not see him,but i knew i... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

The worst week i thought was getting better when James called. He had been in the back of my mind what with dealing with Lucas my addiction all week. James wanted to go out this weekend. I said yes even though i really just wanted to get the work week over and hide out. Eat all the things i been avoiding and watch movies that related to my life. It was supposed to be cold and wet i already had my excuse to stay in. But i accepted even though the last time we went out it did not go well. Last... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

It's been a few days now and i have had the worst week of my life. When you are sick all your thinking is cloudy. He called today my addition he said to ask a question about work did i forget to mention we work together. Which makes it hard to get pass the end.This is day number three of my detoxify and i am back to work. I saw him he was very business like my mind drifted back to a time we were in the beginning. He was talking business i was day dreaming of a night when we had not seen each... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After the evening out with James i really started second guessing myself. I was having feeling about Lucas my addiction that was confusing. I saw him on the second day he was cold,but that look he always looked me deep in the eyes.As if he was looking into my soul it made me nervous.I wanted to look away but i did not want him to know he was affecting me that way. It was hard to be around him because we were always so physical with each other. Hugging,touching to reassure that the attraction was... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Day one of my detoxify i told Lucas that the relationship(a romantic or passionate attachment)is ending. That did not go well, he professed he was not ready to let go of me yet. I don't know if i believe him or not. He sound sincere and that look i am not sure you can fake at that moment i knew why i was addicted.I am second guessing myself already. I have come to the conclusion my major problem with getting to the middle is i just don't trust.I could love this man forever some days and others i... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, January 9, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Week has passed it is amazing what a little alone time can do. I have not seen either of these men in week. Both i talked to on the phone both normal conversation. James always sounds upbeat or phony as hell. The addiction is same mode all the time low key. But doing all this time i made a decision to take the advice from my friends they said run girl run. So yes i am kicking my addiction to the curb. What is so strange is that i am ok or fickle i don't know. As i said before i always need a... Sign in to see full entry.

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