I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE -BY LUBY 123

Sunday, July 3, 2016

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

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Wednesday, September 10, 2014

After talking to Lucas my addiction I thought maybe I had put this man through as much as he had put me through emotionally. For a player that is unusual that's what keeps me hoping and hanging on to this relationship(a romantic or passionate attachment).Lucas can be so caring,but he can be that way with her and every other woman he talks to. He calls me baby but he calls all the other ladies he is playing baby also;he uses the same tone too. Nothing is different for me than any other woman in... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

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Saturday, March 28, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

He was feeling really good he was always so relaxed when he was drinking. He was funny and adventurous some of our best sex was had when he was drinking. Then he would crash and sleep for hours. He was looking old and tired he had drank for the most of his adult life. He was basically a good person a good soul. Today I wanted to thank him for coming to the funeral. He said he was glad I dropped by. He wanted to say how sorry he was for those eighteen years. We were married eighteen years and he... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After talking to Lucas my addiction I thought maybe I had put this man through as much as he had put me through emotionally. For a player that is unusual that's what keeps me hoping and hanging on to this relationship(a romantic or passionate attachment). He can be so caring,but he can be that way with her and every other woman he talks to. He calls me baby but, he also calls all the other ladies, he is playing, baby. He uses the same tone. There is no different for me than any other woman in... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 23, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

As I entered the house the phone was ringing I stopped and picked it up. It was Lucas my addiction.Where did you go?Why did you leave? Well it was family and I know we have not been open with our relationship(a romantic or passionate attachment).That's because I am not sure about us if we are for real. Baby I have been where I needed to be when I needed to be there. Why you feel I am not real I have been there for you I love you.You need to stop thinking I am not for real or the one. I keep... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Today we bury my mama my Miss Lucy I had gave mama that nick name several years back and it just stuck. It is a cold raining day I can't help but think that Wednesday was a beautiful day warm and spring like. Lucas my addiction called this morning I finally took his call.Hey baby how are you?What is the name of the church? Missionary Baptist I answered. Is there something you need? No I am fine, see you later. Why was he coming was it out of obligation? A co-worker doing what he should or maybe... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

Today I am feeling a little bit anxious mama has been gone two days now. I have completely closed down if not for my sister-in-law staying with me I would have been alone. Lucas my addiction has called but I have not connected with him. Because at this moment in my life if I felt any kind of rejection I could not stand it. I have not returned the call I don't know why.I am afraid to feel anything right now I feel like I am numb. Walking,talking doing what's expected of me but feeling nothing. It... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

I walked to the nurse's desk she directed me to the end of the hall. I knew at the end of the hall there would be something I would not want to face. I knew mama was gone I stopped midway of the hall, and I thought can I deal with this the ending of my beginning. The one who created me is gone so what I do now. I went in the room they had finished they said I am sorry you mama did not make it. I am sorry mama did not make it, but she made it to a greater place,safer,happier,no more pain,no more... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

I awoke to the ringing of the phone. Hello, it was the home a man with a heavy accent asked to speak to mama. You came from mama so every once and a while I went where I came from to see mama. I think the rest of my sibling forgot where they came from or just didn't care. I pulled my car into the home and took a deep breath. The ambulance was there I was going to wait for Ray before going in but decided against it. a's next of kin.I immediately became scared speaking I replied. You need to come... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

As I entered the house the phone rang. It was the hospital, they were moving mama tonight. My phone call will need to wait. I called Ray to tell him they are moving mama to the home. I got there the EMT's were there with mama. This frail little women looked at me with eyes of trust. Mama I said you want be here long and I will be here. I made her comfortable and went home. As I reached the door I heard the phone it was Lane. Hi, girl she said I been wondering about you. How is your mama? When... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, March 16, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

I returned to mama's house to see my brother John there waiting. John was by older brother he had been to the middle three times. He just like getting married not staying married. His first wife was older than him and his second wife the same age and number three younger. He had them in all age groups and ethnic groups. What's up John? How is mama? She is at the hospital about three miles from here. I know I am going, but this girl is on me all the time. Brother John had a new woman in his life... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

After my evening with Mr. Wright I decided I would visit mama at the hospital. Mama was asleep when I arrived. I wished I could talk to mama I could always share my misery with her. She would say that's none of my business then give me advice anyway. Now mama was not here for me anymore and I needed to share my misery. I talked to her anyway as I often did when I came to see her. Mama I am so confused about all this attention I am getting while down here. I left Lucas my addiction to come down... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

I left the dinner, it was time my sister's were ganging up on me, About my life style or what they thought was my life style. They thought I had men every night of the week and never cooked or cleaned. Driving over to Alan's house I heard a song on the radio that reminded me of my addiction. Immediately my stomach did flip flops Ihope this man always makes me fill this way. I felt all warm and it was not from the car heater. It had been weeks since I last seen him and my body knew it. It had... Sign in to see full entry.

I CANNOT DO THE MIDDLE

I hope this dinner be short and sweet, please no discoveries tonight. My sister as usual had cooked; I would have went to the deli or ordered something. She was proud of the fact that she was a good cook and rubbed my nose it in. I did not care about cooking my talents lay else where. I was accomplished in my job,I had my own money,my own house and I was banging a younger man. MY sister have probably not had no sex in years. Everyone was there I was surprised. Even my other sister was there she... Sign in to see full entry.

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