Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

By Dark_Heart - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Monday, November 26, 2007

Bumper Stickers Seen Around The World

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit. 2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself. 3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People. 4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon? 5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut. 6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point. 7. If That Phone Was... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:11 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Famous Beer Quotes

Beer and the quotes it has helped create over the years... I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. --Frank Sinatra The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober. --William Butler Yeats An... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:52 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Touching

I got this in my e-mail this evening, as I was preparing myself to face the day ahead of me tomorrow. The timing on it was prefect... In September 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone. The boys ranged from three months to seven... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:02 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The New Men's Thesaurus

The new Men's Thesaurus - on sale now at your local book stores!: "I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid,and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety." IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:47 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Totally Useless Information

1. Coca-cola was originally green. 2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury. 3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever. 4. Dumbest dog: Afghan 5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. 6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:42 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Oh this is bad!

WOMEN'S RIGHTS The following took place at an international conference for women's rights. The first speaker, a lady from England stood and said, "During last year's conference, we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference, I went home and told my husband,... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:31 AM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Ask A Stupid Question....

These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor. _______________________________________________ Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:43 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Real Newspaper Headlines

Study Finds Sex, Pregnancy Link -Cornell Daily Sun, December 7, 1995 Whatever Their motives, Moms Who Kill Kids still Shock Us -Holland Sentinal, date unknown. Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut -The New York Times, November 22 Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:29 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wanna Get Your Butt Kicked?

Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date. 10. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore." 9. "Show me how you used to spank her." 8. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter." 7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?" 6.... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:17 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 19, 2007

Gas Buying Tips

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 8:47 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I have a huge family and get a lot of e-mail jokes. Some of them are too good to delete without sharing them first. And although I can't take the credit for authoring the silly things, they sure made me smile anyway.

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