Bad Jokes And Sage Advice From The E-Mail Archives

By Dark_Heart - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Enema Within

(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation. The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:34 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, December 3, 2007

A Good Answer

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company, responsible for the accident, to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, 'I'm fine', at the scene of the accident?" asked the lawyer. Farmer... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 1:23 PM | add or view comments (4) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Tree Huggers Are Dangerous

A BAD DAY While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, 'Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?' 'I'm listening to the music of the tree,' the other man replied. 'You've... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 8:38 PM | add or view comments (6) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Friday, November 30, 2007

Idiot Criminals

Investigating a purse snatching, Brunswick, Georgia, detectives picked up a man who fit the thief's description and drove him back to the scene. He was told to exit the car and face the victim for an I.D. The suspect dutifully eyed the victim, and blurted, "Yeah, that's the woman I robbed."... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 3:38 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Letters To God

Here's a list of some cute letters kids have written to God: Dear GOD: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have? - Jane Dear GOD: Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 3:29 PM | add or view comments (1) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Push

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband. "It is 3 o'clock in the morning." He slams the door and... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:25 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Outsourcing

This out-sourcing business is getting out of hand! I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Suicide Help Hot line. I was put through to a ‘call center’ in Pakistan. I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:24 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

This Year's First Christmas Joke (Possibly The Worst)

This Year's First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,"You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through hi s pockets and pulled out... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 9:31 PM | add or view comments (2) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Cursing At Work

Cursing at Work Dear Employees: It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 12:36 PM | add or view comments (3) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

Monday, November 26, 2007

Classified Ad Bloopers

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers: Free Yorkshire Terrior. 8 years-old. Hateful little dog. ---------------------------------- Free Puppies: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel 1/2 Sneaky Neighbor's Dog ---------------------------------- Free Puppies: Part German Shepherd Part... Sign in to see full entry.

posted by Dark_Heart at 10:24 PM | add or view comments (0) | leave calling card | link to this | view only this entry

About this Blog

I have a huge family and get a lot of e-mail jokes. Some of them are too good to delete without sharing them first. And although I can't take the credit for authoring the silly things, they sure made me smile anyway.

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