Monday, May 12, 2008
CHAOS: It's Not Just A Theory Anymore
Can we get a timeout from all these natural disasters please? Seriously, whoever's at the controls - enough already. The tornadoes couldn't even wait for tornado season to start this year. They're all over the place, and not one house has landed on Hillery yet. (Not that I would wish for such a...
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Friday, May 9, 2008
Confessions of a Cereal Eater
Don't you hate the way the roof of your mouth gets carved up when you eat certain kinds of cereals? The rest of the day your tongue rubs up against the sandpaper textured flesh of your gums. Captain Crunch is the worst offender. That cereal should be outlawed. Little corn flavored rocks covered with...
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Thursday, May 8, 2008
Superdelicate - An Ode to the Clitoris
The clitoris excites me. I realize a lot of people feel that way about this, the epic epicenter of sensuality, but it excites me for another reason to go along with the obvious. Every body part has a purpose, a function, a worker bee duty and obligation. We are packed with vital organs that live up...
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Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Adaptation
You have to play the hand you're dealt. Deal with any blow you're dealt, whether the unfortunate kind or the kind below the belt. Have faith that your second wind is gonna kick in. Don't break your stride and don't break wind. When life gives you lemons, get implants. Be versatile, if you must be...
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Monday, May 5, 2008
Life According to Dim
I'm fed up with the concept of role models. You know who my roll model is? The Pillsbury Doughboy. Tee hee! Why do we all look around for somebody to imitate? Adults look to characters on television to dress like and model their whole personality after. One American archetype that has been way...
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Sunday, May 4, 2008
This Is Old, And I Might Disagree With Me Now
Kids are getting robbed out of an essential requirement for the nourishment of their souls. First, let me state for the record that I'm only a thirtysomething (or something), so I'll still have a valid opinion for at least another year or two - in my opinion. I don't want to sound like an old man,...
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Saturday, May 3, 2008
I Swear This Was Among the Headlines at Yahoo News
"A First For Saudis: Mozart Performed Publicly and Women Come"
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Friday, May 2, 2008
Hellacious Halitosis
Breath is so bad, when he yawns his teeth duck. 9 out of 10 dentists refuse to see him. Can't tell if he should be using mouthwash or toilet paper.
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Today I'm Going to Take You Back.
For the more animated among us, I've decided to talk about important things today. Old school cartoons. We were formed in our formative years by these hallucinogenic-inspired, two-dimensional doodles. Not to mention the mega merchandising spawned from these far out cartoon friends. Remember Glo...
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Thursday, May 1, 2008
Spellcheck Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
I didn't write this, but I thought it was clever. Found it in my travels on the web, and figured somebody might get a kick out of it. 'Spell Checker Blues' Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a...
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