Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

stone monkey

A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?" The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few tokes together. After a while the... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Who agrees?

What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. Conclusion: They're... Sign in to see full entry.

For Kabu, Krisles and Naut...and anybody else who is owned by a cat or dog

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?" Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we have our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: You... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

bush

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?" The man ignored George W.... Sign in to see full entry.

blondes!

A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T." She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering... Sign in to see full entry.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

farmer at the movies

Old Farmer Went To Town To See A Movie The Ticket Agent Asked, "sir, What's That On Your Shoulder?" The Old Farmer Said, "that's My Pet Rooster Chucky. Wherever I Go, Chucky Goes." I Am Sorry Sir," Said The Ticket Agent. "we Can't Allow Animals In The Theater." The Old Farmer Went Around The Corner... Sign in to see full entry.

buddy

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move. Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond. Once... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, October 23, 2015

pun time

Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and started growling and generally getting really mean. The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from Czechoslovakia. The bear soon caught up with him, and ate... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

teachers!

On fb....a picture of texts.... Son: Can you come pick me up? Dad: What happened? Son: The teacher pointed a ruler at me and said at the end of this ruler is an idiot. I said which one? So I got suspended. Dad: HaHaHaHa! You are awesome. You are not even grounded. Sign in to see full entry.

moral dilemma

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by... Sign in to see full entry.