Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

squeezing lemons

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

testing the son

An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career... so they decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall... Sign in to see full entry.

pundits

The following story was written by Andrew Marlatt. It first appeared on SatireWire on Feb. 1, 2002 Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China,and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be more evil than that stupid... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

before the white man

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his... Sign in to see full entry.

Politics

At an outdoor press conference, Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a statue." "That is absurd," Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people of America will see just how passionate and alive I truly am." Embarrassed for her husband, Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey,... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, November 13, 2015

politicians in Oz

Dan Quayle, Newt Gingrich and President Clinton all get caught up in a tornado and finally land in the Emerald City of Oz. They are finally allowed to visit the great and powerful wizard and Dan Quayle says "I've had a tough time getting by in Washington and I think I'd like to have a brain". Newt... Sign in to see full entry.

irs audit

A man was called in for an audit by the IRS. So he asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your worst clothing and an old pair of shoes. Let them think you are a pauper," the accountant replied. Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice: "Don't let them... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

more dating quotes

A very common male fantasy is to have two women at the same time. One to cook, one to clean, I think. – Jimmy Carr I discovered my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, ‘Get off me, you two.’ – Emo Philips My girlfriend used to think that magazines like GQ and Maxim were... Sign in to see full entry.

dating quotes

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who’d be mad at me for saying that. – Mitch Hedberg I was on a date with this really attractive model. Well, it wasn’t really a date date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed. – Dave Attell I’m dating a homeless woman. It was... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

paying taxes

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS tax auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carr, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we... Sign in to see full entry.