Oh no you didn't!

By Annicita - About Me - E-mail this page - Add to My Favorites - Add to Blog List - See other blogs in Humor

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Sex!

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Woody Allen "Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield (1921-2004; Thanks for all the laughs) "There are a number of mechanical devices which... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, May 5, 2017

anger management at its finest

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered,... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, May 4, 2017

1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

rodney

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me! Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, "Doc, I keep thinking I'm a dog." He told me to... Sign in to see full entry.

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Your coworker has 8 body piercing and none are visible. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze. You can't remember...is... Sign in to see full entry.

Monday, May 1, 2017

in the bathroom

1. What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. - Men's room, Lynagh's Bar. Lexington, KY. 2. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her sh*t. - Men's room, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC. 3. Beauty is only a light switch... Sign in to see full entry.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

monica

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. "Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have... Sign in to see full entry.

Friday, April 28, 2017

Lexophiles!

1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She... Sign in to see full entry.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

I will seek and find You.. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished,... Sign in to see full entry.

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

deep thoughts

Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. If FED EX and UPS were to merge, would... Sign in to see full entry.